Oscar Madison: Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it.


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Oscar Madison: I'm in for a quarter.
Murray: Aren't you going to look at your cards first?
Oscar Madison: What for? I'm gonna bluff anyway. Who gets a Pepsi?
Murray: I get a Pepsi.
Oscar Madison: My friend Murray the policeman gets a warm Pepsi.
Roy: You still didn't fix the refrigerator. It's been two weeks now - no wonder it stinks in here.
Oscar Madison: Temper, temper. If I wanted nagging, I'd go back with my wife. I'm out. Who wants food?
Murray: What do you got?
Oscar Madison: I got, uh, brown sandwiches and, uh, green sandwiches. Which one do you want?
Murray: What's the green?
Oscar Madison: It's either very new cheese or very old meat.
Murray: I'll take the brown.
[Oscar hands Murray a sandwich which Murray starts wolfing down]
Roy: Are you crazy? You're not going to eat that, are you?
Murray: I'm hungry!
Roy: His refrigerator has been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn't even in the bottle!
Oscar Madison: What are you, some kind of health nut? Eat, Murray, eat!


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Dr. Julian Winston: Hey, did you see that? He just kissed her on the neck!
Toni Simmons: Hmph! She sure likes a lot of action.
Dr. Julian Winston: Yes, she does, doesn't she!


--Walter Matthau (as Dr. Julian Winston) in Cactus Flower

Dr. Julian Winston: I need a wife... temporarily... 15 to 20 minutes...


--Walter Matthau (as Dr. Julian Winston) in Cactus Flower

Dr. Julian Winston: It's the most natural thing in the world for a doctor to take his nurse out.
Stephanie: Yes, but I've been working for you for almost ten years and this is the first time you ever invited me...
Dr. Julian Winston: Well, better a little late than a little never.


--Walter Matthau (as Dr. Julian Winston) in Cactus Flower

Dr. Julian Winston: Look at them!
Toni Simmons: They act very affectionate.
Dr. Julian Winston: Yes they do. I thought she only played Monopoly.


--Walter Matthau (as Dr. Julian Winston) in Cactus Flower

Dr. Julian Winston: Miss Dickinson, there are some things a man just can't do. I won't push Harvey Greenfield for money, I've know him too long. You do it.


--Walter Matthau (as Dr. Julian Winston) in Cactus Flower

Dr. Julian Winston: The minute I met her, I knew this girl could make me do anything - so just to protect myself in the clinches I told her that I had a wife and three children.
Harvey Greenfield: Three children's a nice touch.
Dr. Julian Winston: And I told it to her right away so that everything between us would be open and above board.


--Walter Matthau (as Dr. Julian Winston) in Cactus Flower

Dr. Julian Winston: What? Never! What'd she tell you? I deny it!


--Walter Matthau (as Dr. Julian Winston) in Cactus Flower

Dr. Julian Winston: You broke up my home, you took me away from my wife, you alienated me from my children, but thank God I still have one thing left --- my integrity!


--Walter Matthau (as ) in Cactus Flower