Willie Gingrich: I'm his brother-in-law, Sister. And this is his mother, Sister, and this is my wife, his sister, Sister.


--Walter Matthau (as Willie Gingrich) in The Fortune Cookie

Willie Gingrich: Now tell me, Mr. Cimoli, exactly how did you break your hip?
Mr. Cimoli: It's my *pelvis*!
Willie Gingrich: All right, your pelvis. How did it happen?
Mr. Cimoli: Well I was coming out of the store, and there it was on the sidewalk.
Willie Gingrich: What?
Mr. Cimoli: [Shows Gingrich a banana peel] This.
Willie Gingrich: I see. And you were coming out of *what* store?
Mr. Cimoli: Nat's Delicatessen, on Euclid Avenue.
Willie Gingrich: Too bad.
Mr. Cimoli: Oh, such pain.
Willie Gingrich: I mean too bad it didn't happen further down the street in front of the May Company. From *them* you can collect. Couldn't you have dragged yourself another twenty feet?


--Walter Matthau (as Willie Gingrich) in The Fortune Cookie

Willie Gingrich: Unwed mothers? I'm for that!


--Walter Matthau (as Willie Gingrich) in The Fortune Cookie

[about Felix]
Oscar Madison: I know him. He's too nervous to kill himself. Wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

[about how tense Felix is]
Oscar Madison: Look at this. You're the only man in the world with clenched hair.


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

[In Oscar's absence, Felix succeeds in reducing himself and the Pidgeon sisters to tears]
Oscar Madison: [coming from the kitchen with drinks] Is everybody happy?


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

[justifying why Willie should cheat his insurance company]
Willie Gingrich: What's wrong? Insurance companies have too much - they have to microfilm it.


--Walter Matthau (as Willie Gingrich) in The Fortune Cookie

[to kids making a lot of noise]
Willie Gingrich: Why don't you kids go play on the freeway?


--Walter Matthau (as Willie Gingrich) in The Fortune Cookie

Murray: A whole bottle of pills! My God, get an ambulance!
Oscar Madison: Wait a minute, will ya? We don't even know what kind!
Murray: What difference does it make? He took a whole bottle!
Oscar Madison: Well, maybe they were vitamins! He could be the healthiest one in the room!


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Harvey Greenfield: Julian, I feel insulted. It isn't as if I'm planning to stick ya.
Dr. Julian Winston: It isn't as if you're planning to pay me, either.


--Walter Matthau (as Dr. Julian Winston) in Cactus Flower