Charlotte Gingrich: [as their kids skateboard around the hospital's halls] Children! Jeffery, Ginger, cut that out. This is a hospital.
Willie Gingrich: Let 'em. If they're gonna break a leg, this is the place to do it.


--Walter Matthau (as Willie Gingrich) in The Fortune Cookie

Sports Writer: Well, that's the ballgame.
Oscar Madison: It's not over yet.
Sports Writer: Bases loaded, Mazeroski up, ninth inning - you expect the Mets to hold a one-run lead?
Oscar Madison: What's the matter? You've never heard of a triple play?


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Felix Ungar: [serving refreshments at the poker game] Cold glass of beer for Roy...
Roy: Thank you.
Felix Ungar: Where's your coaster?
Roy: My what?
Felix Ungar: Your coaster. The little round thing that goes under the glass.
Roy: I think I bet it.
Oscar Madison: [tosses the coaster back to Roy] Here, here, here. I knew I was winning too much! Here.
Felix Ungar: Always try to use your coasters, huh, fellas? A scotch and a little bit of water...
Speed: Scotch and a little bit of water and I have my coaster.
Felix Ungar: I don't want to be a pest, but you know what glasses can do.
Oscar Madison: [under his breath] They leave little rings on the table.
Felix Ungar: They leave little rings on the table!
Oscar Madison: [under his breath] And we don't want little rings on the table.


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Felix Ungar: Funny, I haven't thought of women in weeks.
Oscar Madison: I fail to see the humor.


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Felix Ungar: I put order in this house. For the first time in months, you're saving money. You're sleeping on clean sheets. You're eating hot meals for a change and I did it.
Oscar Madison: Yes, that's right. And then at night after we've had your halibut steak and your tartar sauce, I have to spend the rest of the evening watching you Saran Wrap the leftovers.


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Felix Ungar: I was just repeating what I thought you said.
Oscar Madison: Well, don't repeat what you THOUGHT I said, repeat what I said! My god, that's irritating!


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Felix Ungar: In other words, you're throwin' me out.
Oscar Madison: Not in other words. Those are the perfect ones!


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Harry Hinkle: [as Mother Hinkle weeps over him] I'll be all right, Mother.
Willie Gingrich: Sure he will. Every week you read in Time Magazine how they're transplanting kidneys and making new spines out of fiberglass. Don't you think the doctors read that stuff, too?


--Walter Matthau (as Willie Gingrich) in The Fortune Cookie

Harry Hinkle: Florida and Mustangs and foxes, how are you gonna pay for all of this?
Willie Gingrich: Our credit is good.
Harry Hinkle: Well don't you think we better wait 'til we see some of that insurance money?
Willie Gingrich: Wait? Who waits nowadays? Take the government. When they shoot a billion dollars worth of hardware into space, do you think they pay cash? It's all on the Diner's Club!


--Walter Matthau (as Willie Gingrich) in The Fortune Cookie

Hamilton Bartholomew: [watching Reggie light another one of his cigarettes, immediately after snuffing one out she had barely puffed] Do you know what these things cost over here?


--Walter Matthau (as Hamilton Bartholemew) in Charade