Oscar Madison: Now kindly remove that spaghetti from my poker table.
[Felix laughs]
Oscar Madison: The hell's so funny?
Felix Ungar: It's not spaghetti, it's linguini.
[Oscar picks up the linguini and hurls it against the kitchen wall]
Oscar Madison: Now it's garbage.


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Oscar Madison: Wait a minute, you're not going anywhere until you take it back!
Felix Ungar: Take what back?
Oscar Madison: "Let it be on your head." What the hell is that, the Curse of the Cat People?


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Oscar Madison: You can't spend the rest of your life crying. It annoys people in the movies.


--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple

Paul Manning: [to wife] Well if you think I'm going to stick about here just watching you be cheerful you've got another think coming!


--Walter Matthau (as Paul Manning) in A Guide for the Married Man

Sheriff Morey Johnson: [sees light flashing on police radio] Red light's flashing, Harry. You got any time for the machine?
Harry: Machine? Right.
[into radio]
Harry: Roger, Highway Patrol. CS-1 out.
Sheriff Morey Johnson: What was that signal, Harry?
Harry: Signal? Oh, just the State Highway Patrol. Just a routine check.
Sheriff Morey Johnson: Locate McNeil wherever he is and send him out for chewing gum.
Harry: McNeil? Right!
Sheriff Morey Johnson: When I tell you to watch that machine of yours, you say, "Machine? Right." When I give you a message for McNeil, you say, "McNeil? Right." There's something about the way you make a question of it and then say "right" that gets on my nerves.
Harry: Nerves?
Sheriff Morey Johnson: [sighs] Right.


--Walter Matthau (as Sheriff Morey Johnson) in Lonely are the Brave

Sheriff Morey Johnson: You'd think we're chasing a ghost... an invisible horse and an invisible cowboy. Harry, throw me that canteen. I haven't got enough spit left to wet a stick of gum.


--Walter Matthau (as Sheriff Morey Johnson) in Lonely are the Brave

Sir Leopold Sartori: If I were not Hungarian, I would be speechless.


--Walter Matthau (as Sir Leopold Sartori) in Goodbye Charlie

Sir Leopold Sartori: Turn down the air conditioning in the bowling alley.


--Walter Matthau (as Sir Leopold Sartori) in Goodbye Charlie

Sir Leopold Sartori: You speak in riddles, my Sphinx.


--Walter Matthau (as Sir Leopold Sartori) in Goodbye Charlie

Ted Caselle: What can I do for you?
David Stillwell: To open it, you can find who I am.
Ted Caselle: Sure; you are David Stillwell. That will be... hmm, ten bucks!


--Walter Matthau (as Ted Caselle) in Mirage