Wally Campbell: I'm so scared, even my goose pimples have goose pimples.


--Bob Hope (as Wally Campbell) in The Cat and the Canary

Wally Campbell: Wait. My mother brought me up never to be caught twice in the same lady's bedroom.


--Bob Hope (as Wally Campbell) in The Cat and the Canary

Wally Hogan: [running into Sergeant Danzig] Oh, Arsenic and Old Face.


--Bob Hope (as Wally Hogan) in Off Limits

Wally Hogan: [to Connie] Come out from behind there, Spongecake, and I'll buy you a little drink or a chinchilla coat... something that will cover you from your chin to your chilla.


--Bob Hope (as Wally Hogan) in Off Limits

Wally Hogan: [to Sergeant Danzig] A zebra's covered with stripes too, but underneath he's still a jackass.


--Bob Hope (as Wally Hogan) in Off Limits

Wally Hogan: When I was born the doctor said, "Boil some water," and I've been in it ever since.


--Bob Hope (as Wally Hogan) in Off Limits

Agatha: Gee, if you're an actor, we've got a chance, and if you're a good actor this could be the biggest job you ever had.
Humphrey: Yeah, and I'd be the star - that's a step up... and an audience of three - that's a step up.


--Bob Hope (as Humphrey) in Fancy Pants

Kitty Weaver: Can't sleep.
Larry Gilbert: Me either.
Kitty Weaver: I'm starved.
Larry Gilbert: Me too.
Kitty Weaver: What's your opinion of eating late at night?
Larry Gilbert: Suicide.
Kitty Weaver: Ever do it?
Larry Gilbert: Only late at night.


--Bob Hope (as Larry Gilbert) in The Facts of Life

Karen Bentley: [surreptitiously] There's no time to lose. Do you know what it feels like to be followed, hounded and watched every second?
Larry Haines: Well I used to, but now I pay cash for everything.
Karen Bentley: Look at me.
Larry Haines: I'm looking.
Karen Bentley: You've got to trust me.
Larry Haines: I'm not through looking yet.
Karen Bentley: You mustn't ask any questions.
Larry Haines: I'm asking. I mean, I'm not asking.
Karen Bentley: My name's Karen Bentley. I can't tell you any more.
Larry Haines: My name's Larry Haines. There's no more to tell.


--Bob Hope (as Larry Haines) in My Favorite Blonde

Karen Bentley: Mr. Haines, you're not listening to me.
Larry Haines: Yes, I am. I said every word you heard.


--Bob Hope (as Larry Haines) in My Favorite Blonde