Mulligan: What happened here?
Little Bonaparte: [referring to Spats and his thugs] There was something in that cake that didn't agree with them.
Mulligan: My compliments to the chef. Nobody leaves this room until I get the recipe.
Little Bonaparte: You wanna make a federal case of it?
Mulligan: [grabs the speaker of Little Bonaparte's hearing aid] Yeah!

Mulligan: You better bring a check in case the joint is raided.
Waiter: Who's gonna raid a funeral?
Mulligan: Some people got no respect for the dead.

Sweet Sue: Are you two from the Poliakoff agency?
Josephine (Joe): Yes, we're the new girls.
Daphne (Jerry): Brand new!

Sugar: [pouring bourbon into paper cup] Turn the lights on.
Daphne: No lights, we don't want anyone to know we're having a party.
Sugar: But I might spill some.
Daphne: So spill it! Spills, thrills, laughs, and games. This may even turn out to be a surprise party!

Sugar: Been waiting long?
Junior (really Joe): It's not how long you wait, it's who you're waiting for!

Sugar: Do you suppose she went shopping?
Jerry: Shopping! That's it! Something tells me she's gonna come through that door in a brand new outfit!

Sugar: I met one of them.
Josephine: One of whom?
Sugar: Shell Oil Junior. He's got millions, he's got glasses, he's got a yacht!
Josephine: You don't say.
Daphne: He's not only got a yacht, he's got a bicycle!

Daphne: Better have a drink first.
Sugar: There. That'll put hair on your chest.
Daphne: No fair guessing.

Jerry: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
Osgood: Why not?
Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
Osgood: Doesn't matter.
Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
Osgood: I don't care.
Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
Osgood: I forgive you.
Jerry: [Tragically] I can never have children!
Osgood: We can adopt some.
Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood!
[Finally gives up and pulls off his wig]
Jerry: Ohh... I'm a man!
Osgood: Nobody's perfect!

Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood!
[Pulls off his wig]
Jerry: Ohh... I'm a man!
Osgood: Nobody's perfect!