Jack Lemmon
(as Jerry/Daphne)
Joe:
What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!
Jerry: [Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table] Joe...?
Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.
Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!
Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!
Jerry: [Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table] Joe...?
Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.
Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!
Marilyn Monroe
(as Sugar Kane Kowalczyk)
Junior (Joe):
[Kissing] I think you're on the right track.
Sugar: I must be. Your glasses are beginning to steam up.
Sugar: I must be. Your glasses are beginning to steam up.
Tony Curtis
(as Joe/Josephine)
Junior (Joe):
Syncopators. Does that mean you play that very fast music... jazz?
Sugar: Yeah. Real Hot.
Junior (Joe): I guess some like it hot. I personally prefer classical music.
Sugar: Yeah. Real Hot.
Junior (Joe): I guess some like it hot. I personally prefer classical music.
Marilyn Monroe
(as Sugar Kane Kowalczyk)
Junior (really Joe):
Look, if are you interested in whether I am married or not?
Sugar: Oh, I'm not interested at all.
Junior: Well, I'm not.
Sugar: That's very interesting!
Sugar: Oh, I'm not interested at all.
Junior: Well, I'm not.
Sugar: That's very interesting!
Billy Gray
(as Sig Poliakoff)
Sig Poliakoff:
You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!
Joe: What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?
Sig Poliakoff: It's not the backs that worry me.
Joe: What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?
Sig Poliakoff: It's not the backs that worry me.
Tony Curtis
(as Joe/Josephine)
[at the booking office, trying to be hired]
Joe: What kind of a band is this, anyway?
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be under twenty-five.
Jerry: We could pass for that.
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be blonde.
Jerry: We could dye our hair.
Sig Poliakoff: And you gotta be girls.
Jerry: We could...
Joe: No, we couldn't!
Joe: What kind of a band is this, anyway?
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be under twenty-five.
Jerry: We could pass for that.
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be blonde.
Jerry: We could dye our hair.
Sig Poliakoff: And you gotta be girls.
Jerry: We could...
Joe: No, we couldn't!
Jack Lemmon
(as Jerry/Daphne)
Jack Lemmon
(as Jerry/Daphne)
Jack Lemmon
(as Jerry/Daphne)
Pat O'Brien
(as Det. Mulligan)
Mulligan:
All right, Charlie; that the joint?
Toothpick Charlie: Yes, sir.
Mulligan: Who runs it?
Toothpick Charlie: I already told you.
Mulligan: Refresh my memory.
Toothpick Charlie: Spats Columbo.
Mulligan: That's very refreshing; what's the password?
Toothpick Charlie: "I've come to Grandma's funeral." Here's your admission card. [he gives Mulligan a mourning armband]
Mulligan: Thanks, Charlie.
Toothpick Charlie: "Now if you want a ringside table, just tell 'em that you're one of the pallbearers.
Mulligan: OK, Charlie.
Toothpick Charlie: Yes, sir.
Mulligan: Who runs it?
Toothpick Charlie: I already told you.
Mulligan: Refresh my memory.
Toothpick Charlie: Spats Columbo.
Mulligan: That's very refreshing; what's the password?
Toothpick Charlie: "I've come to Grandma's funeral." Here's your admission card. [he gives Mulligan a mourning armband]
Mulligan: Thanks, Charlie.
Toothpick Charlie: "Now if you want a ringside table, just tell 'em that you're one of the pallbearers.
Mulligan: OK, Charlie.
