Jerry: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
Osgood: Why not?
Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
Osgood: Doesn't matter.
Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
Osgood: I don't care.
Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
Osgood: I forgive you.
Jerry: [Tragically] I can never have children!
Osgood: We can adopt some.
Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood!
[Finally gives up and pulls off his wig]
Jerry: Ohh... I'm a man!
Osgood: Nobody's perfect!

Edward Randolph: Once you find the way, you'll be bound. It will obsess you. but believe me, it will be a magnificent obsession.

Georgy: Well, say it properly then.
James Leamington: Georgina...
Georgy: [over song] Oh my god! Mother! Wait! Mother! Wait! Mother!

Flight Lieutenant Terrence Forbes: Now for Australia and a crack at those Japs!

Leporello: Juan! No more romance, huh?
Don Juan: My dear friend, there's a little bit of Don Juan in every man, and since I am Don Juan, there must be more of it in me!

Hernando Cortez: Gentlemen, this time last year we were fighting mosquitos in swamps, accepting paltry gifts, and half-starving. But now we stand knocking at the very door of the great Emporer Moctezuma. We shall meet with His Majesty face-to-face - have done with ambassadors and specks of gold. This, gentlemen, is just the beginning!

Trusty: As my grandpappy, Ol' Reliable, used to say... I don't recollect if I've ever mentioned Ol' Reliable before?
Puppies: No you haven't, Uncle Trusty.
Trusty: Huh? I haven't? Well, as Ol' Reliable used to say... he'd say, uh... He'd say, uh... er... Doggone. You know, I clean forgot what it was he used to say!

Catherine Holly: She's here, Doctor. Miss Catherine's here.

Mark Wallace: Bitch.
Joanna Wallace: Bastard.

Colonel Mike Kirby: You're what this is all about.