Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Things aren't even-Steven with us, Jerry. You do all the giving. What I have to give, you don't want. And what I want, you can't give. Doesn't matter if I learn shorthand or to play a bugle standing on my head. If you don't love me, you don't love me. And time isn't gonna make one lousy bit of difference.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz) in Two for the Seesaw

Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: What have you been doing in New York?
Jerry Ryan: Mostly walking, by day and by night.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Monotonous but healthy.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz) in Two for the Seesaw

Irene Molloy: I suppose a rich man can dance just as well as a poor one.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Irene Molloy) in The Matchmaker

Irma La Douce: A painter once lived here. Poor guy, he was starving. Tried everything, even cut his ear off.
Nestor Patou: Van Gogh?
Irma La Douce: No, I think his name was Schwartz.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Irma La Douce) in Irma la Douce

Irma La Douce: I once used to know a specialist, used to send some of his patients to me. All they needed was a little push.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Irma La Douce) in Irma la Douce

Irma La Douce: This is not just a job, it's a profession.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Irma La Douce) in Irma la Douce

Irma La Douce: Who wants to be a stray dog? You got to belong to someone, even if he kicks you once in a while.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Irma La Douce) in Irma la Douce

Jennifer Rogers: [Sam is kissing her] Lightly, Sam. I have a very short fuse.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Jennifer Rogers) in The Trouble with Harry

Mae Jenkins: [Looking indifferently at the leaning tower of Pisa] So it leans. So a lot of things lean.
Paolo Maltese: [Turning to Mae] You ever heard of Galileo, maybe?
Mae Jenkins: Sure I have heard of Galileo.
Paolo Maltese: [Turning to Joey] She ever heard of Galileo?
Joey Friedlander: Nah...
Paolo Maltese: Five-six hundred years ago, this Galileo dropped two stones off that tower, one big one, and one little one.
Mae Jenkins: So?
Paolo Maltese: So he proved the law of gravity or somethin'. I don't know.
Mae Jenkins: And brained a couple of citizens, maybe. Big deal.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Mae Jenkins) in The Yellow Rolls-Royce

Martha: There's always been something wrong. Always, just as long as I can remember. But I never knew what it was until all this happened.
Karen: Stop it Martha! Stop this crazy talk!
Martha: You're afraid of hearing it, but I'm more afraid that you.
Karen: I won't listen to you!
Martha: No! You've got to know. I've got to tell you. I can't keep it to myself any longer. I'm guilty!
Karen: You're guilty of nothing!
Martha: I've been telling myself that since the night I heard the child say it. I lie in bed night after night praying that it isn't true. But I know about it now. It's there. I don't know how, I don't know why. But I did love you! I do love you! I resented your plans to marry. Maybe because I wanted you. Maybe I've wanted you all these years. I couldn't call it by name before, but maybe it's been there since I first knew you.
Karen: But it's not the truth, not a word of it is true! We've never thought of each other that way.
Martha: No, of course you didn't. But who's to say I didn't. I'd never felt that way about anybody before you. I've never loved a man. I never knew why before, maybe it's that.
Karen: You're tired and worn out.
Martha: It's funny. It's all mixed up. There's something in you, and you don't know anything about it because you don't know it's there. And then suddenly, one night a little girl gets bored and tells a lie, and there, for the first time, you see it. Then you say to yourself, did she see it? Did she sense it?
Karen: But you know it could have been any lie. She was looking for anything to...
Martha: But why this lie? She found the lie with the ounce of truth. Don't you see? I can't stand to have you touch me! I can't stand to have you look at me! Oh, it's all my fault. I have ruined your life and I have ruined my own. I swear I didn't know it! I didn't mean it! Oh, I feel so damn sick and dirty I can't stand it anymore!


--Shirley MacLaine (as Martha Dobie) in The Children's Hour