Ned Merrill: Howie!
Howie Hunsacker: Hi, Mister Merrill.
Ned Merrill: Oh Howie, lend me fifty cents.
Lillian Hunsacker: Don't you do it, Howie.
Ned Merrill: Howie, for Christ's sake.
Howie Hunsacker: What's fifty cents, more or less? I mean - considering.
Ned Merrill: Thanks, Howie. Thanks a lot, chum. Thanks an *awful* lot.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: I could do it. I could *really* do it.
Helen Westerhazy: Do what, Neddy?
Ned Merrill: Well now with the Grahams there's a string of pools that curves clear across the county to our house. Well look: the Grahams, the Lears, the Bunkers. Then over the ridge. Then a - portage through the Paston's riding ring to the - Hallorans and the Gilmartins. Then down Erewise Lane to the Biswangers, and then - Wait a minute, who's next? I can't think, I had it just a minute ago. Who is it? Well, who is it? Who's next to the Biswangers?
Helen Westerhazy: [softly] Shirley Abbott.
Ned Merrill: Shirley Abbott. And across Route 424 to the recreation center pool, and up the hill and I'm home. Well don't you see? I just figured it out. If I take a sort of a dogleg to the southwest... I can swim home.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: I want my girls to be married in that house.
[Howard & Betty exchange confused glances]
Ned Merrill: Won't be long now. Our driveway looked like a parking lot today. Boys all over the place.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: I'm a very special human being. Noble. And splendid.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: I'm cold. What's the matter with that sun? There's no heat in it.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: If there is anything you want, anything at all. Come to me. I will be your guardian angel.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: Just one lane. I want to swim just one lane. Y-You don't understand.
Pool cashier: I understand you ain't got a half a buck. That's all I'm supposed to understand.
Ned Merrill: But can't you make an exception just this once? My house is right over there on the hill. I'll come straight back with the money.
Pool cashier: Get the hell out of there, mister.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: On a scale of one to ten, how good is he in bed?


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: Pool by pool, they form a river all the way to our house.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: This is the day Ned Merrill swims across the county.


--Burt Lancaster (as Ned Merrill) in The Swimmer