Shemp: Hey Moe, I don't like this.
Larry: Yeah. Suppose that old chief comes back looking for his head.
Moe: Cut it out. That spook stuff is all a lot of foolishness. What's the matter, you scared?
Larry: No, just apprehensive.
Moe: Oh.
[Moe flinches]
Moe: That's a mighty fancy word. What does that "apprehensive" mean?
Larry: It means you're scared, with a college education.
Moe: Oh. You're pretty smart.
Larry: Oh, yeah.
Moe: [holds out his hand] What's that?
Larry: That's a hand.
Moe: [balls his hand into a fist] Good. What's that?
Larry: That's a fist.
[Moe punches Shemp in the eye]
Moe: What was that?
Larry: A punch in the eye.
Moe: Right.
[Moe punches Larry in the eye]


--Moe Howard (as ) in Merry Mavericks

Shemp: Hey, let's eat. I'm hungry.
Moe: Me, too. I could eat a horse.
Shemp: Don't look at me!
Moe: I said a horse, not a jackass.


--Moe Howard (as ) in Three Dark Horses

Shemp: What do you think I am, a squirrel?
Moe: No, your ears are too short.


--Moe Howard (as ) in Up in Daisy's Penthouse

Ted Healy: Hey, you in the center with that spittoon haircut. What's your name?
Moe: George Washington.
Ted Healy: Are you the fellow that chopped down the cherry tree?
Moe: Nah, I ain't worked in a year and a half.


--Moe Howard (as ) in Plane Nuts

Hans, the Nazi: Hiel Hitler!
Moe: [dressed as Hitler] Heel!


--Moe Howard (as ) in They Stooge To Conga

Hassan Ben Soba: [to Shemp, getting up and pointing to his chair] Sit down!
Shemp: Oh, but I'm not tired, I'll just stand while you eat.
Hassan Ben Soba: [pulls out his dagger] Sit down with your hands on or off!
Moe: Y-you talked us into it.


--Moe Howard (as ) in Malice in the Palace

Hassan Ben Soba: I am Hassan Ben Soba.
Shemp: I had a few too many myself.
[chuckles]
Moe: Quiet!
[throws a handful of spaghetti in Shemp's face]


--Moe Howard (as ) in Malice in the Palace

Prof. Quackenbush: How would you boys like to make $1,000?
Moe: Who do you have to murder?
Prof. Quackenbush: Oh, nothing like that. All you have to do is let me make gentlemen of you.
[the Stooges all flinch in horror]
Larry: No, no! Not that!
Curly: Our father would never forgive us.
Larry: There ain't been a gentleman in our family for fifty generations.
Moe: Quit bragging.


--Moe Howard (as ) in Half-Wits Holiday

Vegetarian in hallway: I don't eat ducks, I'm a vegetarian!
Moe: Well eat the vegetable see and leave the duck! Come on!


--Moe Howard (as ) in A Ducking They Did Go

Jerkington: [creepily] Goodnight, gentlemen. I hope you have a nice LONG sleep.
Moe Pink: Thanks, Dracula.


--Moe Howard (as ) in If a Body Meets a Body