Mrs. Claypool: If you had any real feeling for me you'd stop associating with the kind of riffraff I've seen you going around with.
Otis B. Driftwood: You mean Gottlieb?
Mrs. Claypool: I mean those two uncouth men I saw you around the opera house with. I'm very grateful they're not on board the boat.
Otis B. Driftwood: [gets up from his chair, concerned] Why, have they slipped off?
Mrs. Claypool: [pulls him back into his chair] Sit down!

Lassparri: [costumed as Pagliacci] Now, what have you got to say to me?
Otis B. Driftwood: Just this - can you sleep on your stomach with such big buttons on your pajamas?

Lassparri: Never in my life have I received such treatment. They threw an apple at me.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, watermelons are out of season.

Manicurist: Did you want a manicure?
Otis B. Driftwood: No, come on in.

[Driftwood agrees to read the contract to Fiorello]
Otis B. Driftwood: All right, I'll read it to you. Can you hear?
Fiorello: I haven't heard anything yet. Did you say anything?
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, I haven't said anything worth hearing.
Fiorello: Well, that's-a why I didn't hear anything.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, that's why I didn't say anything.

[Driftwood opens a drawer in his trunk to find Tomasso sleeping]
Otis B. Driftwood: That can't be my shirt, my shirt doesn't snore.
Fiorello: Shh! Don't wake him up. He's got insomnia, he's trying to sleep it off.

[Fiorello and Driftwood go over the first clause of their contract]
Otis B. Driftwood: Now pay particular attention to this first clause because it's most important. It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?
Fiorello: No, that's no good.
Otis B. Driftwood: What's the matter with it?
Fiorello: I dunno. Let's hear it again.
Otis B. Driftwood: It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part."
Fiorello: That sounds a little better this time.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?
Fiorello: Er... just the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: What do you mean? The... the party of the first part?
Fiorello: No, the first part of the party of the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: All right. It says the, uh, "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract..." look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

[Fiorello and Driftwood go over the second clause of their contract]
Otis B. Driftwood: Now, it says, uh, "The party of the second part shall be known in this contract as the party of the second part."
Fiorello: Well, I don't know about that...
Otis B. Driftwood: Now what's the matter?
Fiorello: I no like-a the second party, either.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, you should of come to the first party. We didn't get home 'til around four in the morning. I was blind for three days!

[in reference to Tomasso]
Otis B. Driftwood: Wouldn't it be simpler if you just had him stuffed?
Fiorello: He's no olive.

[the ship is sailing away from the dock]
Otis B. Driftwood: Hey, have I got time to go back and pay my hotel bill?
Ship Captain: Sorry, too late.
Otis B. Driftwood: That suits me fine.