Maria Gambrelli: [as Clouseau's coat is burning] Your coat, Monsieur!
Clouseau: Yes, it is my coat.


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Maria Gambrelli: You can have one of my cigarettes.
Clouseau: Oh, thank you.
Maria Gambrelli:You have it in backwards.
Clouseau: Oh... it tastes very bad that way.


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Clouseau: [after bumping into Hercule] You fool! I could have killed you with a karatay chop-uh! [tries to leave and runs into him again] You fool! You're off the case!


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Clouseau: [after getting his hand caught in a spinning globe] Look at that. I have Africa all over my hand.


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Clouseau: Facts, Hercule, facts, behind them lays the whole fabric of deductive truth. Now, Hercule let us examine these facts: 1 [holding up 1 finger] she was found with the murder weapon in her hand, 2 [holding up 3 fingers] the murder weapon was fresh with blood, 3 [holding up 4 fingers] there were no fingerprints on the murder weapon other then hers and 4 [holding up all 5 fingers] all the members of the Ballon household staff have perfect alibis. Now then, Hercule what do these facts add up to?
Hercule LaJoy: Maria Gambrelli killed Georges the gardener.
Clouseau: You are an idiot, only a fresh faced novice would come up with a conclusion like that.
Hercule LaJoy:But the facts.
Clouseau: Listen, who even killed Miguel, killed Georges the gardener and he did it to cover up the first crime. Now what he is trying to do is lay the blame at the foot of this, this poor servant girl.
Hercule LaJoy: Well who do you suspect?
Clouseau: I suspect everyone.
Hercule LaJoy: Well I suppose that is possible.
Clouseau: Possible? What do you mean possible? I deal in certainties.


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Clouseau: Facts, Hercule, facts! Nothing matters but the facts. Without them the science of criminal investigation is nothing more than a guessing game.


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Clouseau: I believe everything and I believe nothing. I suspect everyone and I suspect no one.


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Clouseau: Listen to me, Hercule, and you will learn something. Now then, the facts in this case are: the body of the chauffeur was found in the bedroom of the second maid. Fact! Cause of death: Four bullets in the chest. Fact! The bullets were fired at close range from a .25 caliber Beretta automatic. Fact! Maria Gambrelli was discovered with the murder weapon in her hand. Fact! The murder weapon was registered in the name of the deceased, Miguel Ostos, and was kept, mind you, in the glove compartment of the Ballon Rolls-Royce. Fact! Now then, members of the household staff have testified that Miguel Ostos beat... [breaks his pointing stick] You fool! You have broken my pointing stick! I have nothing to point with now!... have testified that Miguel Ostos beat Maria Gambrelli frequently. And now, finally comes the sworn statement of Monsieur and Madame Ballon, as well as all the members of the staff, each of them with perfect alibis. Now then, Hercule, What is the inescapable conclusion?
Hercule LaJoy: Maria Gambrelli killed the chauffeur.
Clouseau: What? You idiot! It's impossible. She's protecting someone.


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Clouseau: There is no doubt in my mind, whatsoever, Hercule. Maria Gambrelli is most definitely protecting someone. Find that somebody, and you have found the murderer. And I shall find the murderer before the day is out.


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark

Clouseau: There is something... personal... in this?
Dreyfus: Yes, deeply personal. I hate you! Every little bit of you! Now get out!
Clouseau: You want me to leave?


--Peter Sellers (as Jacques Clouseau) in A Shot in the Dark