Peripetchikoff: [trying to trade for Ingeborg] Would you take new automobile? 1961 Moskvich hardtop convertible, two-tone.
C.R. MacNamara: You mean that Russian hot rod parked outside?
Peripetchikoff: Is wonderful car. Is exact copy of 1937 Nash.


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three

Peripetchikoff: Do you know what happens if I defect? They will line up my family and shoot them! My wife, my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my sister-in-law.
[pauses]
Peripetchikoff: Let's do it!


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three

Peripetchikoff: Is old Russian proverb: you cannot milk cow with hands in pockets.


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three

Peripetchikoff: We have emergency meeting with Swiss Trade Delegation. They send us twenty car-loads of cheese. Totally unacceptable... full of holes.


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three

Peripetchikoff: Well, Comrades, what are we going to do? He's got it - we want it. Are we going to accept this blackmailing capitalist's deal?
Mishkin: Let's take a vote.
Peripetchikoff: I vote yes.
Mishkin: I vote yes.
Peripetchikoff: Two out of three. Deal is on!
Borodenko: Comrades, before you get in trouble, I must warn you, I am not really from Soft Drink Secretariat. I am undercover agent assigned to watch you.
Mishkin: In that case I vote no. Deal is off.
Borodenko: But I vote yes!
Peripetchikoff: Two out of three again! Deal is on!


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three

Otto Ludwig Piffl: Is everybody in this world corrupt?
Peripetchikoff: I don't know everybody.


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three

Borodenko: When will papers be ready?
C.R. Macnamara: I'll put my secretary right to work on it.
Mishkin: Your secretary? She's that blond lady?
C.R. Macnamara: That's the one.
Peripetchikoff: [after conferring with the others] You will send papers to East Berlin with blond lady in triplicate.
C.R. Macnamara: You want the papers in triplicate, or the blond in triplicate?
Peripetchikoff: See what you can do.


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three

C.R. MacNamara: You know something? You guys got cheated. This is a pretty crummy cigar.
Peripetchikoff: Do not worry. We send them pretty crummy rockets.


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three

C.R. MacNamara: You've defected?
Peripetchikoff: Is old Russian proverb: "go west young man."


--Leon Askin (as Peripetchikoff) in One, Two, Three