Victor Fabian: I am the captain of my soul!
Maxwell Archer: I am the boy on the burning deck...


--Gregory Ratoff (as Maxwell Archer) in Once More, with Feeling!

Lady Brett Ashley: Is Zizi on your payroll, Count?
Count Mippipopolous: Not officially. I just allow him to steal from me from time to time.


--Gregory Ratoff (as Count Mippipopolous) in The Sun Also Rises

Julius Saxe: Carey I like you. You're a fine director Carey.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey: Alright, what have I done now?
Julius Saxe: Now see I'll tell you. Carey you are slipping. All the time with the "but". All the time you are drunk. No longer do you care whether the scenes are good. No longer do you care whether the scene is being wasted. All the time retakes. All the time over schedule.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey: Alright. Now let's see, who do we get to replace me?
Julius Saxe: Now listen. I'm saying that to you for your own good. You're even losing your memory with this drinking business. You're getting crazy. It's no good. You've got to stop it. Look here, five years ago you were ten years ahead of it and now you're not quite even with it. And what's the answer? Whiskey!
Maximillan 'Max' Carey: You're right. What the picture business needs is white wines and beers!
Julius Saxe: Ahhhhhh!


--Gregory Ratoff (as ) in What Price Hollywood?

Max Fabian: Let the rest of the world beat their brains out for a buck. It's friends that count. And I got friends.


--Gregory Ratoff (as Max Fabian) in All About Eve

Paul: Have you forgotten who I am? Do you realize that Panaieff is the name of the family who for the last 300 years were related to the czars of Russia 25 times? 5 times legitimately! Why I'd rather have my blood changed to borscht.
[mumbles]


--Gregory Ratoff (as ) in Café Metropole

Taxi Driver: You know, for what I learned on that trip, my psychiatrist will charge me at least twenty-five bucks.


--Gregory Ratoff (as Taxi Driver) in The Moon Is Blue