Count Massimo Contini:
Actually, I would have preferred to live in a different century, Florence in the 13th or Germany in the 18th. Wouldn't you, Mr. Helm?
Matt Helm: No, it'd be all wrong. I'd be dead by now.
--Dean Martin (as ) in The Wrecking Crew
Matt Helm: No, it'd be all wrong. I'd be dead by now.
--Dean Martin (as ) in The Wrecking Crew
Count Massimo Contini:
In our civilized business, this is the traditional time to offer you a cigarette or some liquid refreshment, perhaps. But since we are professional people on limiting time schedules, I suggest that we dispense with such amenities.
Matt Helm: Oh, no, let's not dispense with any of those things.
--Dean Martin (as ) in The Wrecking Crew
Matt Helm: Oh, no, let's not dispense with any of those things.
--Dean Martin (as ) in The Wrecking Crew
Ticket agent:
[Referring to Wilbur who is diguised as a 12 year old with a ray gun in order to get a half price ticket] He's going to be a space cadet?
Bob Miles: If he lives, he'll be a space cadet.
--Dean Martin (as Bob Miles) in You're Never Too Young
Bob Miles: If he lives, he'll be a space cadet.
--Dean Martin (as Bob Miles) in You're Never Too Young
Old Lady:
[getting into the car] You're a dear sweet young man.
[seeing the dog]
Old Lady: Oh my, does he bite?
Steve Wiley: [laconically] Only me lady.
--Dean Martin (as Steve Wiley) in Hollywood Or Bust
[seeing the dog]
Old Lady: Oh my, does he bite?
Steve Wiley: [laconically] Only me lady.
--Dean Martin (as Steve Wiley) in Hollywood Or Bust
Mack Gray:
[congratulating Dino for his act] Great, Dino, you were great. They were rolling in the aisles.
Dino: Why didn't somebody take the dice away?
--Dean Martin (as ) in Kiss Me, Stupid
Dino: Why didn't somebody take the dice away?
--Dean Martin (as ) in Kiss Me, Stupid
MacDonald:
Have you ever seen a flying saucer?
Matt Helm: Is that your way of offering me a drink?
--Dean Martin (as ) in The Ambushers
Matt Helm: Is that your way of offering me a drink?
--Dean Martin (as ) in The Ambushers
Miss January:
Well what shall I do with the costume?
Matt Helm: Drop it in the ashtray.
--Dean Martin (as ) in Murderers' Row
Matt Helm: Drop it in the ashtray.
--Dean Martin (as ) in Murderers' Row
Dan Edwards:
One of these days all these girls are going to show up at the same time and you are going to get shot.
Ernie Brewer: Oh but what a cuckoo firing squad.
--Dean Martin (as Ernie Brewer) in Marriage on the Rocks
Ernie Brewer: Oh but what a cuckoo firing squad.
--Dean Martin (as Ernie Brewer) in Marriage on the Rocks
Zack Thomas:
How 'bout we get down to business?
Joe Jarrett: Well I drink much better standing up than sittin'.
--Dean Martin (as Joe Jarrett) in 4 for Texas
Joe Jarrett: Well I drink much better standing up than sittin'.
--Dean Martin (as Joe Jarrett) in 4 for Texas
Zack Thomas:
Tell me something Mr. Jarrett, how many states would you say you're wanted in?
Joe Jarrett: How many states are there Mr. Thomas?
--Dean Martin (as Joe Jarrett) in 4 for Texas
Joe Jarrett: How many states are there Mr. Thomas?
--Dean Martin (as Joe Jarrett) in 4 for Texas
