Georgi: [making up code for "arrogance, elegance, and smarts"] Give 'em the fist, give 'em the wrist, give 'em the finger!

Georgi: [nervously] Oh, I have no wife. None of my family had wives. My father didn't like wives. I mean, my mother didn't like my father's wives.

Georgi: [singing to himself on how to pull off the scam] Be arrogant, be elegant, be smart!

Georgi: [singing] Drink to me only wi-ith thine eye-eyes / And I will drink with my nose!

Gregor: The Inspector General. Yes, he has full power from the Emperor himself. And wherever he finds bribery and corruption, there the gallows and the firing squad go to work. More.
[the newly deposed Mayor of Klimenti is immediately given more wine to calm him]
The Mayor: What does he look like, this Inspector General?
Gregor: Who knows? A man of mystery. Five days he was in our midst and no one even suspected it. He went everywhere, saw everything, and uncovered such corruption that even I was shocked.

Turnkey: This is a nice jail. Really it is. We've had some wonderful hangings here.

Yakov: May I become a wandering gypsy if I'm not telling the truth.
Georgi: But you ARE a wandering gypsy.
Yakov: That proves I'm telling the truth.

Yakov: You'll regret this, you fat-faced village idiot!
The Mayor: What! You... you... How dare you!
Yakov: Keep your dirty hands off me, you misbegotten peasants!
The Mayor: Tie him up!
Yakov: The Emperor will tear this stinking village down over your ears, you thieving lard-bucket! Heads will roll here like marbles - yours first, and then this flea-ridden sack of nothing you call the Inspector General!
Inspector General: Oh! Why, he's insane! Take him away! Take him away!
Yakov: This isn't the Inspector General! Don't make me laugh! The great Emperor wouldn't appoint a thing like this to a post of such importance! THIS is your Inspector General! Here! His carriage, his manner, his bearing. Gentlemen, take your choice.

Kovatch: Oh, I love my family, but I'd give my six kids to get rid of my wife.

The Mayor: [hearing that a stranger's been arrested who might be the Inspector General in disguise] You idiot. Did you search him? Question him?
Kovatch: Well... it was so near lunchtime.