Judge May: Mr. Deeds, there has been a great deal of damaging testimony against you. Your behavior, to say the least, has been most strange. But in the opinion of the court, you are not only sane, but you're the sanest man that ever walked into this courtroom!

Morrow: Pal, look, how would you like to go on a real old-fashioned binge?
Longfellow Deeds: Binge?
Morrow: Yeah, I mean the real McCoy. Listen, you play saloon with me and I'll introduce you to every wit, nitwit, and half-wit in New York. We'll go on a twister that'll make Omar the soused philosopher of Persia look like an anemic on a goat's milk diet!
Longfellow Deeds: Well, I guess that oughtta be fun.
Morrow: Fun? Listen, I'll take you on a bender that will live in your memory as a thing of beauty and a joy forever!

Longfellow Deeds: People here are funny. They work so hard at living they forget how to live. Last night, after I left you, I was walking along and - and lookin' at the tall buildings, and I got to thinking about what Thoreau said. 'They created a lot of grand palaces here, but they forgot to create the noblemen to put in them.' I'd rather have Mandrake Falls.

[Deeds and attorney Cedar shake hands in parting]
Longfellow Deeds: Even his hands are oily.

[reading Babe's first column about Deeds]
MacWade: "At two o'clock this morning, Mr. Deeds held up traffic while he fed a bagful of doughnuts to a horse. When asked why he was doing it, he replied, 'I just wanted to see how many doughnuts this horse would eat before he asked for a cup of coffee.'"

Babe Bennett: Certainly I wrote those articles. I was going to get a raise, a month's vacation. But I stopped writing them when I found out what he was all about, when I realized how real he was. He could never fit in with our distorted viewpoint, because he's honest, and sincere, and good. If that man's crazy, Your Honor, the rest of us belong in straitjackets!

Babe Bennett: Here's a guy that's wholesome and fresh. To us, he looks like a freak. Do you know what he told me tonight? He said when he gets married, he wants to carry his bride over the threshold in his arms... I tried to laugh, but I couldn't. It stuck in my throat... He's got goodness, Mabel. Do you know what that is?... No, of course you don't. We've forgotten. We're too busy being smart alecks. Too busy in a crazy competition for nothing.

Babe Bennett: That guy is either the dumbest, stupidest, most imbecilic idiot in the world, or else he's the grandest thing alive. I can't make him out.

John Cedar: Your Honor, this is absurd. The woman's obviously in love with him.
Babe Bennett: What's that got to do with it?
John Cedar: Well, you are in love with him, aren't you?
Babe Bennett: What's that got to do with it?
John Cedar: You ARE, aren't you?
Babe Bennett: Yes!

Longfellow Deeds: I've tramped the earth with hopeless beat, Searching in vain for a glimpse of you. Then heaven thrust you at my very feet, A lovely angel, too lovely to woo. My dream has been answered, but my life?s just as bleak. I'm handcuffed and speechless, in your presence divine. For my heart longs to cry out, if it only could speak. I love you, my angel, be mine, be mine.