Longfellow Deeds: When the servant comes in, Mr. Hallor, I'm going to ask him to show you to the door. Many people don't know where it is.

Cornelius Cobb: You're wasting your time. He doesn't want any lawyers. He's sunk so low he doesn't want help from anybody. You can take a bow for that. As swell a guy as ever hit this town, and you crucified him for a couple of stinking headlines. You've done your bit. Stay out of his way.

Judge May: Mr. Deeds, there has been a great deal of damaging testimony against you. Your behavior, to say the least, has been most strange. But in the opinion of the court, you are not only sane, but you're the sanest man that ever walked into this courtroom!

Morrow: Pal, look, how would you like to go on a real old-fashioned binge?
Longfellow Deeds: Binge?
Morrow: Yeah, I mean the real McCoy. Listen, you play saloon with me and I'll introduce you to every wit, nitwit, and half-wit in New York. We'll go on a twister that'll make Omar the soused philosopher of Persia look like an anemic on a goat's milk diet!
Longfellow Deeds: Well, I guess that oughtta be fun.
Morrow: Fun? Listen, I'll take you on a bender that will live in your memory as a thing of beauty and a joy forever!

Longfellow Deeds: People here are funny. They work so hard at living they forget how to live. Last night, after I left you, I was walking along and - and lookin' at the tall buildings, and I got to thinking about what Thoreau said. 'They created a lot of grand palaces here, but they forgot to create the noblemen to put in them.' I'd rather have Mandrake Falls.

[Deeds and attorney Cedar shake hands in parting]
Longfellow Deeds: Even his hands are oily.

[reading Babe's first column about Deeds]
MacWade: "At two o'clock this morning, Mr. Deeds held up traffic while he fed a bagful of doughnuts to a horse. When asked why he was doing it, he replied, 'I just wanted to see how many doughnuts this horse would eat before he asked for a cup of coffee.'"

[Two shy sisters testify at Deeds's sanity hearing]
John Cedar: Do you know the defendant, Mr. Longfellow Deeds?
[long pause]
Jane Faulkner: Oh yes, yes, of course we know him.
John Cedar: How long have you known him?
[Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back]
Jane Faulkner: Since he was born.
Amy Faulkner: Yes, Elsie Taggart was the midwife.
Jane Faulkner: He was a seven months' baby.
John Cedar: Thank you, that's, that's fine. Do you see him very often?
[Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back]
Jane Faulkner: Most every day.
Amy Faulkner: Sometimes twice.
Judge May: Must we have the echo?
John Cedar: Suppose you just answer, Miss Jane. Now, will you tell the court what everybody at home thinks of Longfellow Deeds?
[pause; then Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back]
Jane Faulkner: They think he's pixilated.
Amy Faulkner: Oh, yes, pixilated.
Judge May: He's what?
John Cedar: What was that you said he was?
Jane Faulkner: Pixilated.
Amy Faulkner: Mm-hmm.
John Cedar: Now that's rather a strange word to us, Miss Jane. Can you tell the court exactly what it means?
Board member: Perhaps I can explain, Your Honor. The word "pixilated" is an early American expression derived from the word "pixies," meaning elves. They would say the pixies had got him. As we nowadays would say, a man is "barmy."
Judge May: Oh. Is that correct?
Jane Faulkner: Mm-hmm.
Amy Faulkner: Mm-hmm.

Babe Bennett: Certainly I wrote those articles. I was going to get a raise, a month's vacation. But I stopped writing them when I found out what he was all about, when I realized how real he was. He could never fit in with our distorted viewpoint, because he's honest, and sincere, and good. If that man's crazy, Your Honor, the rest of us belong in straitjackets!

Babe Bennett: Here's a guy that's wholesome and fresh. To us, he looks like a freak. Do you know what he told me tonight? He said when he gets married, he wants to carry his bride over the threshold in his arms... I tried to laugh, but I couldn't. It stuck in my throat... He's got goodness, Mabel. Do you know what that is?... No, of course you don't. We've forgotten. We're too busy being smart alecks. Too busy in a crazy competition for nothing.