Bill Barton: [looking down on Earth] Ooh, look Susie! North and South America...
Tommy: It's a small world, I always say.
Bill Barton: ...and the Far East.
Tommy: And, Mae West.


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Burleigh: What is afoot?
Tommy: An ankle turned up at the end.


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Tommy: [auctioning off the Americas] Going, going, gone! Sold for a thousand guineas to the Earl of Jersey! There you are, Jersey. Stick that up your jumper. I'm calling you Jersey after you.


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Tommy: [crooked gambling the Royal Court] The more you put down, the more you'll pick up. There is no hocus. There is no pocus. And no smoke or smell comes from the land but the bun goes round. Here it is. There it goes. Now watch it, folks. Watch it. Is it in heaven? Is it in hell? The dimmed elusive fall beneath the shell. Keep your peepers on the ball, folks. That's what you have to do. There is no jiggery. No pokery. Now, Your Majesty. Under which shell is the little ball hiding this time?


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Tommy: [handing Queen Elizabeth a photograph of the White House] That's my weekend cottage in Washington.


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Tommy: [leading Susie Barton, Bill Barton, and the Professor in a singsong] Dear old pals, jolly old pals, always together in all sorts of weather. Dear old pals, jolly old pals, give me the frrriendship of deeaaar ollld paaaaaals.


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Tommy: [leading the Royal Court in a singsong] ... All the red-hot Indian Mommas/Love to spend their Indian Summers/Smoking shag and listening to his song...


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Tommy: Bring me some food and wine! But don't bother about the food!


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Tommy: Listen tosspot! How dare you bottle my best friend in bitter. Don't you know it's a crime to waste wallop in wartime?


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies

Tommy: That's the Professor's timeball, Susie. We can make it fly Back to Methuselah, or forward to the space of Things to Come.


--Tommy Handley (as ) in Time Flies