Helen North: Your blues and greens are wonderful, but your he's and she's got a little mixed up.


--Lucille Ball (as Helen North Beardsley) in Yours, Mine and Ours

Julie Hampton: [after kissing hundreds of shipyard workers] Now I know how a trumpeteer feels!


--Lucille Ball (as Julie Hampton) in Meet the People

Julie Patterson: Marriage is a strong institution, Charlie.
Charlie McCarthy: So is Alcatraz, but I wouldn't want to live there.


--Lucille Ball (as ) in Look Who's Laughing

Kathleen: My father was a major-league umpire. Well, what else
[at the Tudor Penny Arcade]
Kathleen: can I beat you at?
Bradford Galt: What other kinds of games do you like to play? You know, we've got some great playgrounds up around 52nd Street.
Kathleen: Among them your apartment?
Bradford Galt: Why, just a coincidence.
Kathleen: I haven't worked for you very long, Mr. Galt, but I know when you're pitching a curve at me, and I always carry a catcher's mitt.
Bradford Galt: No offense. A guy's got to score, doesn't he?
Kathleen: Not in my league. I don't play for score, I play for keeps - "said she with a smile."


--Lucille Ball (as Kathleen Stewart) in The Dark Corner

Kathleen: What's done to you is done to me.


--Lucille Ball (as Kathleen Stewart) in The Dark Corner

Kathleen: You should have William Powell for a secretary.
Bradford Galt: William Powell... who's he?
Kathleen: Don't ya ever go to the movies? He's a detective, in "The Thin Man."


--Lucille Ball (as Kathleen Stewart) in The Dark Corner

Kitty Weaver: [after Larry criticizes her for buying a rabbit instead of a chicken at the grocery store] IT WAS LYING DOWN!


--Lucille Ball (as Kitty Weaver) in The Facts of Life

Kitty Weaver: Am I really doing this? Me, Kitty Weaver? Secretary to the PTA? Den mother to the Cub Scouts? Am I really going to San Francisco to spend the weekend... with the husband of my best friend?


--Lucille Ball (as Kitty Weaver) in The Facts of Life

Susan: [mosquitoes] Seems a shame to wake them up so early just to kill 'em.


--Lucille Ball (as Susan Vega) in Forever, Darling

Susan: Oh, go smoke a test tube!


--Lucille Ball (as Susan Vega) in Forever, Darling