Antonio Pirelli: You know what I say. Whenever you got business trouble the best thing to do is to get a lawyer. Then you got more trouble, but at least you got a lawyer.


--Chico Marx (as Antonio) in At the Circus

Chico: Right now I'd do anything for money. I'd kill somebody for money. I'd kill *you* for money.
[Harpo looks dejected]
Chico: Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You're my friend. I'd kill you for nothing.
[Harpo smiles]


--Chico Marx (as ) in The Cocoanuts

Chicolini: [trying to decide if himself, Firefly, Pinky, or Bob Roland will make a suicidal run into no-mans-land to get help] I gots an idea. We have a runspot to see who we choose to go. Rrrrrrringspot! One-sa, two-sa, zig-zag-zav, poptie, gimmega, tin-lie, tav, harem, scarem, moychan, tarem, tare, tore...
[realizes that he's about to land on himself]
Chicolini: I did it wrong. Wait, wait, wait... I start here! Rrrrrrringspot! One-sa, two-sa, zig-zag-zav, poptie, gimmega, tin-lie, tav, harem, scarem, moychan, tarem, tare, tore...
[realizes he's about to land on himself again]
Chicolini: That's a-no good too! Oh, I got it! Rrrringspot, BUCK!
[points to Pinky]
Chicolini: Good luck!


--Chico Marx (as Chicolini) in Duck Soup

Chicolini: Here, have a cigar.
[it's only a stub]
Chicolini: That's a good quarter cigar. I smoke the other 3/4 myself.


--Chico Marx (as Chicolini) in Duck Soup

Chicolini: Mister you no understand. Look, he's a spy and I'm a spy, he work-a for me. I want him to find out-a something, but he no find out what I wanna find out. Now how am I gonna find out what I wanna find out if he no find out what I gotta find out?


--Chico Marx (as Chicolini) in Duck Soup

Fiorello: [beginning a speech disguised as one of the aviators] Friends.
Otis B. Driftwood: Go fast. I can see a man with a rope out there.
Fiorello: How we happen to come to America is a great story, but I no tell that.


--Chico Marx (as Fiorello) in A Night at the Opera

Fiorello: [Disguised as one of the world's greatest aviators] So now I tell you how we fly to America. The first time we started we got-a half way there when we run out a gasoline, and we gotta go back. Then I take-a twice as much gasoline. This time we're just about to land, maybe three feet, when what do you think: we run out of gasoline again. And-a back-a we go again to get-a more gas. This time I take-a plenty gas. Well, we get-a half way over, when what do you think happens: we forgot-a the airplane. So, we gotta sit down and we talk it over. Then I get-a the great idea. We no take-a gasoline, we no take-a the airplane. We take steamship, and that friends, is how we fly across the ocean.


--Chico Marx (as Fiorello) in A Night at the Opera

Fiorello: You got some mail for me?
Tony: Mail for you? You don't work here.
Fiorello: Well where am I gonna get my mail? I no work anyplace.


--Chico Marx (as Fiorello) in A Night at the Opera

Harry Binelli: [taking off layers of clothing] Now I know how Gypsy Rose Lee feels.


--Chico Marx (as Harry Binelli) in Room Service

Harry Binelli: Hello? Room Service. Bring up enough ice to cool a warm body.


--Chico Marx (as Harry Binelli) in Room Service