Carole: [Herbie is acting up] Will you stop the car, please?
Jim Douglas: I'm trying! Look!
[he tries to take the key out and press the brakes]
Jim Douglas: It's just like I told you! This thing is starting to act up again.
Carole: How very odd; when I was driving, there was no problem whatsoever.

Carole: Excuse me, Mr. Thorndyke, but if I sold this gentleman the car, I feel a certain responsibility.
[to Jim]
Carole: Do you mind if I try it?
[Jim nods and motions her to go ahead; they go over to the VW Bug]
Mr. Thorndyke: [shocked] Miss Bennett! Our dinner engagement!
Carole: [getting in] I won't be a minute.

Carole: Have you had much experience with cars?
Jim Douglas: Look, lady, by profession, I'm a racing driver.
Carole: Oh, *that* Jim Douglas.
Jim Douglas: What do you mean, "*that* Jim Douglas"?
Carole: Let's see, two years ago, at Laguna Seca, you spun out and hung a beautiful Buick Special on the back fence. At Willow Springs, was it a year ago... last February, you sprayed a Lotus all over the infield.
Jim Douglas: How do you know all that?
Carole: I have trouble with names and faces, but I never forget a car.

Carole: I wonder if your reputation is altogether true.
Jim Douglas: What's my reputation?
Carole: Well, I've heard that Jim Douglas is only interested in fast cars and easy money.
Jim Douglas: Not true.
Carole: Oh.
Jim Douglas: Mm-hmm. You know something else?
Carole: What?
Jim Douglas: When the light hits you just right, you're as beautiful as General Grant on a $50 bill.

Carole: Mr. Douglas needs a car, and for a very low amount down and the usual monthly payments, the car will become his.
Mr. Thorndyke: Very well, even though my personal inclination is to have Mr. Douglas clapped into jail and this four-wheeled contrivance dropped into the Bay!

Carole: You aren't winning any of those races! You couldn't win a game of marbles against a 12-toed myopic rhinoceros!

Detective: [to Jim, about the not-yet-named "Herbie" white VW bug] Forgive me for pointing, but have you ever seen that car before?
Jim Douglas: No. No, I haven't.
Tennessee Steinmetz: Hey, he's a cute little fellow.
Jim Douglas: [takes another look] Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think I saw that car at an agency yesterday.
Detective: Now, permit me to inform you of the following: first, say nothing that would jeopardize your constitutional rights. And second, the minute that you get downtown, I would advise that you find a good lawyer. Shall we go?
Jim Douglas: Go? What for?
Detective: On suspicion of grand theft.
Jim Douglas: Now wait a minute, there's something cockeyed about this. How did that little car get here?
Detective: I share your curiosity. Shall we go?
[Jim laughs]

[during the big race, Thorndyke and Havershaw have switched the signs leading to Placerville and the Lost Bonanza Mine]
Mr. Thorndyke: How true it is that the simplest ways are the best ways after all.
Havershaw: That's what I always say, sir.
Mr. Thorndyke: Oh, shut up.

[during the big race, Thorndyke's car bumps Herbie off the road and down a hill]
Havershaw: What happened to it?
Mr. Thorndyke: I'd say it's gone for that last big lube job up yonder.

[Jim brings the malfunctioning Herbie back to Thorndyke. It accidentally bangs against Thorndyke's Rolls Royce and stops. Jim gets out]
Mr. Thorndyke: Have you gone mad?
Jim Douglas: Okay, what's the joke?
Mr. Thorndyke: What do you mean?
Jim Douglas: I don't know how you rigged it, but I'm sure that car is a real cut-up when a convention comes to town.
Mr. Thorndyke: What in the name of...
Jim Douglas: If I'd wanted a trick car, I would have bought one at a joke shop.
Mr. Thorndyke: [as Carole joins him] Allow me to say that I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. You come billowing up in that beastly little car, and assault my personal Rolls Royce.
Jim Douglas: ...I brought it back! I want my money, I want the papers I signed, and then I'll get outta here, and you two clowns can, can have your little laugh.
Carole: Mr. Douglas, if there is anything wrong with the car, would you be good enough to tell me what it is?
Jim Douglas: Well, there's nothing essentially wrong with the car. It's just that it wants to go one way and I'd like to go the other.
Mr. Thorndyke: Well, whatever it is, none of it is covered in our guilt-headed guarantee.
Jim Douglas: Oh, I'm sure of that.