[Arthur jumps onto the horse behind Agatha, only for both of them to fall off]
Humphrey: Wouldn't it be much simpler to call a cab?


--Bob Hope (as Humphrey) in Fancy Pants

[Chuck tells Vinka how he plans to talk Colonel Tarbell into letting Vinka go to London]
Vinka Kovelenko: Do you think the Colonel would be fooled by such a ridiculous statement?
Major Chuck Lockwood: If he'll eat Army food, he'll swallow anything!


--Bob Hope (as Major Charles "Chuck" Lockwood) in The Iron Petticoat

[Duke loses a talent show to a trained monkey]
Chester Hooton: [to Duke] Next time I bring Sinatra.


--Bob Hope (as Chester Hooton) in Road to Utopia

[during opening credits]
Humphrey: No popcorn during my performance... peasants!


--Bob Hope (as Humphrey) in Fancy Pants

[fire department arrives when Niles' washing machine overflows]
Fireman: There's no fire?
Adam J. Niles: Well if I hollered "Soap!" who'd come?


--Bob Hope (as Adam J. Niles) in Bachelor in Paradise

[George and Harold are surrounded by beautiful native women. Offstage voice shrieks "A-ough! Oh no!"]
George Cochran: What's that?
Harold Gridley: Oh, that's Errol Flynn. He can't stand it.


--Bob Hope (as Harold Gridley) in Road to Bali

[George and Princess Lala pull Harold down]
Harold Gridley: This is the sloppiest hanging I ever attended!


--Bob Hope (as Harold Gridley) in Road to Bali

[Looking around Paris]
Robert Leslie Hunter: I ought to buy a lot here. This could catch on.


--Bob Hope (as Robert Leslie Hunter) in Paris Holiday

[One of the film's many cameos]
Princess Lala: Look!
George Cochran: The African Queen! Humphrey Bogart?
Harold Gridley: Boy, is he lost!
George Cochran: Hey! Hey, Bogie!
[All three run toward Bogart]
Harold Gridley: Hey, jungle fever! That's what we got. That was just a mirage!
George Cochran: Oh yeah? What about this?
[Holding up a trophy]
George Cochran: Humphrey Bogart's Academy Award!
Harold Gridley: An Oscar! Gimme that, you got one. Friends, this is a great occasion, me receiving this Academy Award. And I'd like to say a word...
[roar from offstage]
George Cochran: Run!
Harold Gridley: That's the word!


--Bob Hope (as Harold Gridley) in Road to Bali

[performing for Princess Lala's court as Scottish bagpipers, a humorous homage to her late Scottish father, MacTavish]
Harold Gridley: Say, Haggis!
George Cochran: What is it, MacBaggis?
Harold Gridley: Have you heard the latest about MacTavish?
George Cochran: What's he done now?
Harold Gridley: I heard he's living on the roof!
George Cochran: Why would he be living on the roof?
Harold Gridley: Because he heard someone say, "Drinks are on the house!"


--Bob Hope (as Harold Gridley) in Road to Bali