Professor Tuttle: That wasn't King Ruten-Tuten! That was his wife, Queen Hatsi-Tatsi! This is Ruten-Tuten! He was a midget!


--Robert Williams (as ) in We Want Our Mummy

Stew Smith: [to Anne] I know what's wrong. I'm colorblind. That's what wrong, I'm colorblind. I've been sitting here for a half-hour looking at you, and I don't know yet whether your eyes are blue or violet.


--Robert Williams (as Stew Smith) in Platinum Blonde

Stew Smith: Say, I interviewed a swell guy the other day: Einstein. Yeh, swell guy. Little eccentric, but a swell - doesn't wear, doesn't wear any garters. Neither do I, as a matter of fact.


--Robert Williams (as Stew Smith) in Platinum Blonde

Stew Smith: Well, Gallagher!
Gallagher: Hi!
Stew Smith: Ohhh, I'm glad to see you! Hello, Hank, how are you?
Hank: Oh, fine, but kind of thirsty...
Stew Smith: Thirsty? Come right in, I'll get you a drink, huh?
[starts to close door]
Hank: Oh, say, uh, you remember Joe?
Stew Smith: Sure.
Hank: Well, I sort of invited him in to bend an elbow with us.
Stew Smith: 'Sall right, 'sall right, 'sall right, bring him in.
Hank: Come on, Joe, it's all right.
Joe: All right!
Stew Smith: Hello, Joe!
Joe: Hello, kid, how are you?
Stew Smith: Glad to see you, kid.
[starts to close door]
Joe: Say, just a minute.
Stew Smith: Yeah?
Joe: Johnson's outside. You don't mind if he comes in and dips the beak, do ya?
Stew Smith: No, no, bring him in. More the merrier.
Joe: [to Johnson] Hey, come on, come on.
Stew Smith: Hi, Johnson!
Johnson: Hello, Stew old pal, how are you?
Stew Smith: Glad to see you.
Johnson: I'm glad to see you.
Stew Smith: Come on in, come on in.
[starts to close door]
Johnson: Say, lookit, wait a minute. I've got two of the boys I brought along with me, they're cruising around with nothing to do... you don't mind if I bring them in?
Stew Smith: You brought two of them?
Johnson: Yes.
Stew Smith: That's all right, bring 'em in...
Johnson: Come on in.
Stew Smith: ...well, what's the difference?
[... and the other 20 people come in]


--Robert Williams (as Stew Smith) in Platinum Blonde

Stew Smith: What country is this library in? Miss Schuyler, how about car fare back to the front door, huh?


--Robert Williams (as Stew Smith) in Platinum Blonde

Stew Smith: Yeah, I know those bluenoses. Their ancestors refused to come over on the Mayflower because they didn't want to rub elbows with the tourists... so they swam over!


--Robert Williams (as Stew Smith) in Platinum Blonde

Mike: I sure hate to do it. That dame's sure nuts about that guy.
Hank: What's the matter with you, you some kinda love nut?


--Robert Williams (as ) in Saintly Sinners

Binji Baker: No use you you hanging around here. Just buy a copy of the Tribune, read it over, then make a rewrite... you can use it for your last edition.
Stew Smith: It'll never make the last edition. It'll take me four hours to translate your story into English.
Binji Baker: Oh, is that so?
Stew Smith: I'm afraid. Take your hat off, might make an impression.
[Baker takes off hat]
Stew Smith: Impossible. Put it on again.


--Robert Williams (as Stew Smith) in Platinum Blonde