Gloria Upson: Bunny Bixler and I were in the semi-finals - the very semi-finals, mind you - of the ping-pong tournament at the club and this ghastly thing happened. We were both playing way over our heads and the score was 29-28. And we had this really terrific volley and I stepped back to get this really terrific shot. And I stepped on the ping-pong ball! I just squashed it to bits. And then Bunny and I ran to the closet of the game room to get another ping-pong ball and the closet was locked! Imagine? We had to call the whole thing off. Well, it was ghastly. Well, it was just ghastly.


--Joanna Barnes (as Gloria Upson) in Auntie Mame

Mitch Evers: [after Vicky slaps one of the twins] Hey, wait a minute, there's no call for that. They didn't do anything to you!
Vicky Robinson: You'll never know what they did to me, you big GOON! Now get me outta this stinkin' fresh air!


--Joanna Barnes (as Vicky Robinson) in The Parent Trap

[flirting during a poker game]
Lomax: What's your pleasure?
Lola: Stud.


--Joanna Barnes (as Lola) in The War Wagon