Constable Slobotham: Just a minute Mr Potter, where were you last night?
Albert: My bed.
Constable Slobotham: Any witnesses to corroborate that?
Albert: My landlady.
Constable Slobotham: Who?
Albert: She came up with a bottle.
Constable Slobotham: Sounds like a pretty loose-living place you're lodging in.
Albert: She always comes up with a hot water bottle.
Constable Slobotham: Sarge, it's just possible he and the landlady are in collusion
Albert: Don't be disgusting, she's over 60.


--Jim Dale (as ) in Carry On Screaming

Det Sgt. Bung: A young lady has disappeared and we're anxious to trace her whereabouts.
Dr. Watt: Oh? Whereabouts?
Det Sgt. Bung: Hereabouts.
Albert: At ten o'clock.
Det Sgt. Bung: Or thereabouts.
Constable Slobotham: In this vicinity.
Det Sgt. Bung: Or roundabouts.
Constable Slobotham: We're police officers.
Albert: Or layabouts.


--Jim Dale (as ) in Carry On Screaming

Mark Antony: Look at them. All solid bone and muscle.
Spencius: Bone and muscle I've got plenty of. It's brains what people want nowadays.
Mark Antony: They've got brains. Artisans, every one of them. Here you, what did you do in Britain?
Hengist Pod: I was a wheelmaker.
Mark Antony: See that? He makes wheels.
Hengist Pod: Square ones.
Mark Antony: Square... Never mind. Here, you. What did you do?
Horsa: I was a hunter.
Spencius: A hunter?
Mark Antony: A hunter! Now, what about that then? A hunter. What did you hunt?
Horsa: Romans.


--Jim Dale (as ) in Carry On Cleo

[Bung and Slobotham drag a protesting Albert into their office]
Det Sgt. Bung: Alright Mr Potter, where is it?
Albert: Lummy, it's your police station - you ought to know!


--Jim Dale (as ) in Carry On Screaming