Ned Merrill: [Reminiscing] My mother gave me 25 cents for mowing the lawn around our house. Seems only a minute ago. I could smell the grass... It's so fast... People grow up, and then they... We're all gonna' die, Shirley. That doesn't make much sense, does it?
Shirley Abbott: Sometimes it does... Sometimes at three o'clock in the morning.


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: Lucinda's waiting. The girls are home playing tennis. I'm swimming home.
Shirley Abbott: [in concerned pity] Oh, God.


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: Nothing's turned out - Nothing's turned out the way - I thought it would. When I was a kid, I - I used to believe in things. People seemed happier when I was a kid. People used to love each other. What happened?
Shirley Abbott: You got tossed out of your golden playpen, that's what happened.


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: We're all gonna die, Shirley. That doesn't make much sense, does it?
Shirley Abbott: Sometimes it does. Sometimes at three o'clock in the morning.


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: We're running out o' Tabasco.
Shirley Abbott: *We*? Aren't you a little confused this afternoon?


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer

Ned Merrill: What did I do to you, Shirley? I'm sorry for whatever I did.
Shirley Abbott: [Cynically] You did the usual red-blooded married man thing. You took me out to lunch and gave me that lecture about the duties of a father and a husband. Oh, it's considered a classic by now, isn't it? Reprinted every year in the Reader's Digest?
Ned Merrill: I don't remember.
Shirley Abbott: It's the first really chic restaurant you took me to in New York. Right out in front of everyone who counts.
Ned Merrill: You cried...
Shirley Abbott: I also raised my voice.
Ned Merrill: It tore me apart to see you crying.
Shirley Abbott: [Tone getting angrier] You chose that restaurant because you thought I wouldn't make a fuss in front of all those mink hats and snobbish waiters and stylish fags.
Ned Merrill: [Protesting] No. No.
Shirley Abbott: Did you really think you could get rid of me in no more noise than the sound of finger bowls tinkling?


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer

Shepherd 'Shep' Henderson: That girl you know, Gillian Holroyd, she's one.
Merle Kittridge: A witch?
Shepherd 'Shep' Henderson: Yes!
Merle Kittridge: Shep, you just never learned to spell.


--Janice Rule (as Merle Kittridge) in Bell, Book and Candle

Shirley Abbott: [Sarcastically] Well, how goes it in "Never-Never Land"?
Ned Merrill: What?
Shirley Abbott: Has the ideal, all-American family found happiness on the hill?
Ned Merrill: [a bit confused] The "hill"?
Shirley Abbott: I heard a rumor that you'd changed your place of residence.
Ned Merrill: Of course not. That's ridiculous!
Shirley Abbott: Well, how is the President of the League of Women Voters?
Ned Merrill: [Confused] Who?
Shirley Abbott: How is your wife?
Ned Merrill: Oh, she's fine.
Shirley Abbott: I've been away so long I haven't kept up with the news. I suppose by now all the waitresses in town must be certified non-venereal. Last I heard, that was your wife's latest project: physical checkups for food handlers.
[laughs derisively]
Ned Merrill: [Defensively] Lucinda's always done a lot of good in this town.
Shirley Abbott: She just didn't do so good at home, did she?


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer

Shirley Abbott: Did you know I went to spy on you once in the lobby of the theater?
Ned Merrill: [Surprised] Spy on me?
Shirley Abbott: It was a long time ago... You were meeting your family to take them to the ballet. I saw your daughters in their white gloves and patent-leather slippers, and that aging Vassar-girl wife of yours in her understated little suit. And you... there you were, shaking hands with people, smiling, saying hello. One hour before that you had been in bed with me. *I* put that smile on your face, you DAMNED HYPOCRITE!... Listen, Ned, I want you to get out of here now. Swim the pool, do whatever you have to do, but get out!


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer

Shirley Abbott: Listen, Ned, I want you to get out of here now. Swim the pool, do whatever you have to do, but get out.


--Janice Rule (as Shirley Abbott) in The Swimmer