Officer Obie: Want your wallets and your belts. Put everything on the desk.
Arlo Guthrie: I can understand you wanting our wallets, so we don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you want our belts for?
Officer Obie: Kid, we don't want any hanging.
Arlo Guthrie: [pause] Obie, do you think we're gonna hang ourselves for littering?


--Arlo Guthrie (as ) in Alice's Restaurant

Arlo Guthrie: [unable to fill his urine-sample jar, at his Army physical] Anybody got some to spare?


--Arlo Guthrie (as ) in Alice's Restaurant

Arlo Guthrie: Girdles feel funny.


--Arlo Guthrie (as ) in Alice's Restaurant

Arlo Guthrie: Group W is where they putcha if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committin' your special crime. There was all kinds of mean, nasty ugly-lookin' people on the bench there. There was mother rapers... father stabbers... father rapers... Father rapers! Sittin' right there on the bench next to me!


--Arlo Guthrie (as ) in Alice's Restaurant

Arlo Guthrie: Just what I've always wanted.
Alice Brock: A restaurant?
Arlo Guthrie: No, a friend with a restaurant.


--Arlo Guthrie (as ) in Alice's Restaurant

Arlo Guthrie: What funny smell?
[covering up the weed box]


--Arlo Guthrie (as ) in Alice's Restaurant

Criminal: [approaching Arlo on the bench] Kid, what'd you get?
Arlo Guthrie: I didn't get nothin'. I had to pay fifty dollars, and pick up the garbage.


--Arlo Guthrie (as ) in Alice's Restaurant