Egbert Sousé: Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?

Egbert Sousé: Ever done any boondoggling?

Egbert Sousé: I'm very fond of children. Girl children, around eighteen and twenty.

Egbert Sousé: My uncle, a balloon ascensionist, Effingham Hoofnagle, took a chance. He was three miles and a half up in the air. He jumped out of the basket of the balloon and took a chance of alighting on a load of hay.
Og Oggilby: Golly! Did he make it?
Egbert Sousé: Uh... no. He didn't. Had he been a younger man, he probably would have made it. That's the point. Don't wait too long in life.

Egbert Sousé: Og Oggilby... sounds like a bubble in a bathtub!

Egbert Sousé: Ten cents a share. Telephone sold for five cents a share. How would you like something better for ten cents a share? If five gets ya ten, ten'll get ya twenty. A beautiful home in the country, upstairs and down. Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother's paisley shawl.
Og Oggilby: Beer?
Egbert Sousé: Beer! Fishing in the stream that runs under the aboreal dell. A man comes up from the bar, dumps $3,500 in your lap for every nickel invested. Says to you, "Sign here on the dotted line." And then disappears in the waving fields of alfalfa.

Egbert Sousé: The jockey was a very insulting fellow. He referred to my proboscis as an adscititious excrescence. I had to tweak his nose.