Dexter Franklin: [entering after Corliss says that Dexter is the father of her baby] Hi, everybody.
Harry Archer: Get out of my sight, you vile, unspeakable, shameless, filthy, little swine!
Dexter Franklin: [thinking he's referring to the previous day when he had slapped Corliss on the arm] Gee whiz, I'm sorry. It'll never happen again.
Janet Archer: Harry, please, I implore, control yourself. Murdering him isn't going to do any good.
Dexter Franklin: Holy cow. It was Corliss' fault as much as it was mine.
Harry Archer: You filthy, little cad!
Corliss Archer: Oh, Dexter! Dexter, you don't know what you're saying!
Dexter Franklin: [to Corliss] Holy cow, I asked you not to tell him. But - but Mr. Archer, it was all in fun.
Corliss Archer: Oh, Daddy, please. Please, don't kill him!

Janet Archer: Just think, our little girl married to Dexter.
Harry Archer: Just so long as it takes to get it annulled!
Janet Archer: Harry, you can't.
Harry Archer: Why not?
Janet Archer: Because they're going to have a baby. I hope it'll be a girl.
Harry Archer: Janet, you amaze me. How can you stand there calmly and hope it's going to be a girl?
Janet Archer: Well, it's got to be either a boy or a girl. I can have my preference, can't I?

Pvt. Jimmy Earhart: I hear you've got a brother in the service.
Corliss Archer: Um-hmm. Lenny's a lieutenant in the air corps. And I have an Uncle who's a chaplain in the Navy. My brother's coming home pretty soon.
Pvt. Jimmy Earhart: Oh, that's swell. How old is he?
Corliss Archer: Oh, Lenny's in his 20s. He's just a few months older than I am.
Pvt. Jimmy Earhart: How few?
Corliss Archer: Oh, I forget, three or four.
Pvt. Jimmy Earhart: You know, I've got a kid sister just going on 14.
Corliss Archer: Oh my, they're cute at that age. I mean, all legs and elbows and, you know what I mean. We still have some faded old snapshots of me at that age, and I was a scream.

Corliss Archer: [Mrs. Archer thinks Corliss is pregnant] Mother, do you think I'm awful?
Janet Archer: I've already told you what I think, and it hasn't made the slightest impression. You don't seem to realize what a dreadful thing this is. Oh, I don't understand you, Corliss.
Corliss Archer: Mother, do you hate me? Please, don't hate me.
Janet Archer: Hate you? Oh, darling! Darling, of course I don't hate you.
Corliss Archer: You know, I think Daddy'd like to break my neck.
Janet Archer: Only because he loves you so, you little idiot.
Corliss Archer: Mom, please don't feel so awful. Oh, Mom, please don't cry. Oh, if only I could explain ...
Janet Archer: I'm so ashamed, Corliss. I feel it's all my fault.
Corliss Archer: Oh, Mom, no, no!
Janet Archer: To think, how we used to dream about the day you'd get married.
Corliss Archer: But, Mother, we are married.
Janet Archer: What?
Corliss Archer: Well, naturally, Mom. I mean, golly. Well, surely you didn't think that - well, naturally we're married.
Janet Archer: But Corliss -
Corliss Archer: Mom, how could you possibly think we weren't married?
Janet Archer: Then why didn't you say so?
Corliss Archer: Well, I haven't had a chance. Daddy's been yelling ever since, and I was sent to my room.

Corliss Archer: Dexter, you've got to take an oath in blood not to breathe a word if I tell you the truth.
Dexter Franklin: Okay, I swear -
[hits his head on a tree branch]
Dexter Franklin: Ow!
Corliss Archer: You can take it sitting down.
Dexter Franklin: All right. I swear in blood. Look, here's blood on my chin. I just shaved.
Corliss Archer: Well, in the first place, Mildred and Lenny are married.
Dexter Franklin: What! Married!
[Corliss shushes him]
Dexter Franklin: Holy cow.
Corliss Archer: And in the second place, Mildred's gonna have a baby.
Dexter Franklin: She is?
Corliss Archer: But her parents and my parents don't dream they're married, so of course they can't know she's gonna have a baby. See? I'm the only one who knows.
Dexter Franklin: Well, go on.
Corliss Archer: Well, I've been going with Mildred to see her doctor, Dr. Fabling in the Professional Building.
Dexter Franklin: And then what?
Corliss Archer: And evidently, someone saw me coming out of his office, and must have phoned Mrs. Pringle, and well, she came tearing over here, and now everybody seems to have jumped to the conclusion that I'm going to have the baby.
Dexter Franklin: [laughing] Oh, boy! You *are* in a jam!
Corliss Archer: Well, for a while, everybody thought Jimmy was to blame, and Daddy was just calling the C.O. to have him executed.
Dexter Franklin: Gee, whiz.
Corliss Archer: Yes. Then - then Daddy was just demanding to know who it was, and then you came in, and for some reason, they all seem to think it's you!
Dexter Franklin: What? No wonder your father tried to kill me! Holy cow! I'm a dead duck!
Corliss Archer: Dexter, would you mind not denying it for a little while? I've got to have time to think.

Corliss Archer: Were you treating Betty Campbell to a coke? That frizzed out blonde?
Dexter Franklin: I was - well, we just happend to meet. I mean, gee, well, well as a matter of fact, it was a root beer.
Corliss Archer: Dexter Franklin, kindly leave this property at once.
Dexter Franklin: Well, holy cow, I tell you -
Corliss Archer: If there is one thing I will not stand for, it's fragrant infidelity!
Mildred Pringle: The word is flagrant, Corliss.
Corliss Archer: Well, what did I say?
Dexter Franklin: You said fragrant.
Corliss Archer: Well, I meant it. Your behavior stinks! Now get out!

Harry Archer: Somehow, I just can't believe that I'm the father-in-law of that "Holy cow"!

Lt. Lenny Archer: [after Mr. and Mrs. Archer came home after a fist fight with the Pringles] Now listen, after this you're not to say anything. You've got to swear.
Corliss Archer: I'll take an oath in blood, like we did when we were kids. Will that satisfy you, Lenny?
Lt. Lenny Archer: Well ...
Corliss Archer: You know I never went back on that. And this is Daddy's blood, too!
Lt. Lenny Archer: Okay.
Corliss Archer: I swear in blood by everything that I hold sacred that I will never reveal your secret.
Lt. Lenny Archer: You'd better not, that's all.
Corliss Archer: They could torture me, and I wouldn't tell!

Lt. Lenny Archer: Look, you've got to help me. Can you keep a secret?
Corliss Archer: Cross my heart.
Lt. Lenny Archer: Mildred and I were married this morning.
Corliss Archer: Oh, Lenny! What are Mom and Daddy going to say?
Lt. Lenny Archer: Well, I was going to break it to them tonight, but now with this new row going -
Corliss Archer: Does anybody know? About your being married, I mean?
Lt. Lenny Archer: Not a soul. We drove across the state line to Windham Ferry and dug up a justice of the peace. He and his wife are the only ones who know. Except you.
Corliss Archer: But you're gonna tell Mom and Daddy, aren't you?
Lt. Lenny Archer: I don't know. I'm afraid now her parents might move heaven and earth to have it annulled.
Corliss Archer: Could they?
Lt. Lenny Archer: I guess they could. She lied about her age on the license.
Corliss Archer: Golly. How awful
Lt. Lenny Archer: Awful is right.
Corliss Archer: Gosh. That makes Mildred my sister-in-law, doesn't it?

Nora Wilcox: [catching Corliss leaving an obstetrician's office] Why, hello, Corliss.
Corliss Archer: Hello, Mrs. Wilcox. Oh. Oh, golly, can you imagine? I just went into the wrong office.
Nora Wilcox: Well, it looks like it, dear. An obstetrician is a sort of a baby doctor.
Corliss Archer: Oh, is it? Golly, how embarassing. Long words like that always throw me for a "lop".
Nora Wilcox: What do you hear from Lenny?
Corliss Archer: [nervously backing up] Oh, well, he's in the Pacific. Uh. I haven't heard anything from him now, I don't know where he is. We haven't had any V-mail for - for several weeks.
[bumping into an orthodontist's office door]
Corliss Archer: Oh! That's the word that confused me.
Nora Wilcox: Say hello to your mother for me, Corliss.
Corliss Archer: You bet, Mrs. Wilcox.