Ellie Andrews: We'll get on a merry-go-round and never get off. Promise me we'll never get off.

Ellie Andrews: What is it that we're supposed to be doing again?
Peter Warne: Hitchhiking.
Ellie Andrews: Well you've shown me an excellent example of the hiking part. When does the hitching come in?

Ellie Andrews: You think I'm a fool and a spoiled brat. Well, perhaps I am, although I don't see how I can be. People who are spoiled are accustomed to having their own way. I never have. On the contrary. I've always been told what to do, and how to do it, and when, and with whom. Would you believe it? This is the first time I've ever been alone with a man!
Peter Warne: Yeah?
Ellie Andrews: It's a wonder I'm not panic-stricken.
Peter Warne: You're doing alright.

Ellie Andrews: Your ego is absolutely colossal.
Peter Warne: Yeah, yeah, not bad, how's yours?
[Shuts and locks the door]
Ellie Andrews: You know, compared to you, my friend Shapeley's an amateur. Just whatever gave you any idea I'd stand for this?
Peter Warne: Say now, wait a minute. Let's get this straightened out right now. If you're nursing any silly notion that I'm interested in you, forget it. You're just a headline to me.
Ellie Andrews: A headline? You're not a newspaper man are you?
Peter Warne: Chalk up one for your side.

[after Ellen stops a car by showing her leg]
Peter Warne: Why didn't you take off all your clothes? You could have stopped forty cars.
Ellie Andrews: Well, ooo, I'll remember that when we need forty cars.

[Peter hangs a blanket between the twin beds in their room at the autocamp]
Ellie Andrews: That, I suppose, makes everything quite all right?
Peter Warne: Oh this? Well, I like privacy when I retire. Yes, I'm very delicate in that respect. Prying eyes annoy me. Behold the walls of Jericho! Uh, maybe not as thick as the ones that Joshua blew down with his trumpet, but a lot safer. You see, uh, I have no trumpet. Now just to show you my heart's in the right place, I'll give you my best pair of pajamas.
[he offers her the pajamas - she ignores them - so he tosses them at her]
Peter Warne: Uh, do you mind joining the Israelites?
[indicates he wants her to go on the other side of the blanket - she doesn't budge]
Peter Warne: You don't want to join the Israelites? Alright.
[he begins to undress]
Peter Warne: Perhaps you're interested in how a man undresses. You know, it's a funny thing about that. Quite a study in psychology. No two men do it alike. You know, I once knew a man who kept his hat on until he was completely undressed. Yeah, now he made a picture. Years later, his secret came out. He wore a toupee. Yeah. You know, I have a method all my own. If you notice, the coat came first, then the tie, then the shirt. Now, uh, according to Hoyle, after that, the, uh, pants should be next. There's where I'm different... I go for the shoes next. First the right, then the left. After that it's, uh, every man for himself.
[he starts to unbuckle his pants and she runs to the other side of the blanket]

[Peter is carrying Ellie across the creek slung over his shoulder]
Ellie Andrews: You know this is the first time in years I've ridden piggy-back.
Peter Warne: This isn't piggy-back.
Ellie Andrews: Course it is.
Peter Warne: You're crazy.
Ellie Andrews: I remember distinctly my father taking me for a piggy-back ride.
Peter Warne: And he carried you like this, I suppose?
Ellie Andrews: Yes.
Peter Warne: Your father didn't know beans about piggy-back riding.
Ellie Andrews: My uncle, mother's brother, has four children and I've seen them ride piggy-back.
Peter Warne: I'll bet there isn't a good piggy-back rider in your whole family. I never knew a rich man yet who could piggy-back ride.
Ellie Andrews: You're prejudiced.
Peter Warne: You show me a good piggy-backer and I'll show you a real human. Now you take Abraham Lincoln for instance. A natural born piggy-backer. Where do you get all of that stuffed-shirt family of yours?
Ellie Andrews: My father was a great piggy-backer.
Peter Warne: Here, hold this.
[Peter hands to Ellie the case he was carrying and slaps her behind for that remark]

[Peter makes a couple of "beds" from hay off of a haystack]
Peter Warne: All right, come on. Your bed's all ready.
Ellie Andrews: I'll get my clothes all wrinkled.
Peter Warne: Well, then take 'em off.
Ellie Andrews: What?
Peter Warne: All right, don't take 'em off. Do whatever you please, but shut up about it!

Alexander Andrews: Do you love her?
Peter Warne: A normal human being couldn't live under the same roof with her without going nutty! She's my idea of nothing!
Alexander Andrews: I asked you a simple question! Do you love her?
Peter Warne: YES! But don't hold that against me, I'm a little screwy myself!

Alexander Andrews: You're a sucker to go through with this. That guy Warne is OK. He didn't want the reward. All he asked for was $39.60, what he spent on you. Said it was a matter of principle. You took him for a ride. He loves you, Ellie. He told me so. You don't want to be married to a mug like Westley; I can buy him off for a pot of gold. And you can make an old man happy and you won't do so bad for yourself. If you change your mind, your car's waiting at the back gate.