Joan Ross: I'm with those people over there. They're much duller than you are. But they got far better manners so I have to lie like the dickens. Especially that one guy! He's the captain. He thinks he is a mate of mine. You know the kind. So I have to be nice to him. Darling, can you wait two minutes?
Mike Kells: Yup.
Joan Ross: Well... I hardly can. I'm going to, darling.
[Joan leans in and passionately kisses Mike. Her cleavage shows]
Joan Ross: [scene changes to a waiter looking through some curtains at Joan and Mike. He has an astonished expression, and as he brushes his hair back with his hand his toupee falls back]

Joan Ross: No questions please. I'm standing on the 5th amendment.

Joan Ross: When I started this crazy tour the last thing I was looking for was a man. Why I should pick on you, I don't know. After I know you better I may not like you. But I kept thinking about you and started looking for you. I phoned all over and Tony Bennis from the Paris embassy found out for me that you has come here. Michael, it's was exactly 11:45 a few days ago when you left me. What time is it now? Check both watches.
Mike Kells: Well, it's exactly 11:37.
Joan Ross: Do we resume? Heaven bless 11:37. I don't.
Mike Kells: , I'd like nothing better in the world, but right now I'm sort of... I... I... I'm... tied...
Joan Ross: All right, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table. Michael, tell me the truth. Are you with someone?
Mike Kells: [showing a photo of a woman] No. No, I'm chasing her. My dream girl.
Joan Ross: Can't be helped. Can't be helped, can it? I apologize to you Michael. I'm truly sorry.
Mike Kells: No, no, no. I'm only kidding about her. I'm only doing this for an acquaintance of a friend of mine. I promised to look her up and see about her.
Joan Ross: Do you have to see about her tonight?
Mike Kells: It doesn't look as though I can tonight.
Joan Ross: [leaning in] Darling! Let's explore Triste together!

Joan Ross: You started by arousing the mother instinct in me, and now you got the whole works worked up. And you got something stirred up.

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada: [about Mike seeing Joan] That puts it right in the line of duty. Unnh! Some duty!

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada: [to Mike] Take it careful brother. You bruise easy.

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada: [upon seeing Joan] The widow lady! Live and learn.
Joan Ross: If it isn't the cavalry.

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada: You're out of your mind going up there! You got a gun?
Mike Kells: Ya.
Sgt. Ernie Guelvada: A flashlight?
Mike Kells: No.

[after escaping from a train and tumbling down a steep hillside, Mike and Janine come to rest next to each other]
Mike Kells: You know something? This is the first time I really looked at you. Really looked at you, just as a girl.
[last lines]
Janine Betki: And so it is.