Herman:
Ah, but your eyes, they're so beautiful. Where did you get those eyes?
Camille: They came with the head.
--Phyllis Diller (as Camille Salamander) in The Fat Spy
Camille: They came with the head.
--Phyllis Diller (as Camille Salamander) in The Fat Spy
Golda:
You know, there's something sick about being so honest.
Henry Dimsdale: You think I'm happy about it? But I gotta think about the kids. I got to set an example for 'em to follow.
Golda: Some example! They'll grow up and try to become idiots.
--Phyllis Diller (as Golda) in Eight on the Lam
Henry Dimsdale: You think I'm happy about it? But I gotta think about the kids. I got to set an example for 'em to follow.
Golda: Some example! They'll grow up and try to become idiots.
--Phyllis Diller (as Golda) in Eight on the Lam
Lily:
The whole thing sounds underhanded, disgraceful and messy, and you can count on me.
--Phyllis Diller (as Lily) in Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number!
--Phyllis Diller (as Lily) in Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number!
Nurse Nellie Krause:
Hey! Be careful! You want to muss my hair?
--Phyllis Diller (as Nurse Nellie Krause) in The Private Navy of Sgt. O'Farrell
--Phyllis Diller (as Nurse Nellie Krause) in The Private Navy of Sgt. O'Farrell
The Monster's Mate:
[about the Mummy] I wonder how he got his invitation. He has an unlisted tomb. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
[about the Hunchback]
The Monster's Mate: Didn't I see him at the Transylvania Gardens in the main event?
Dracula: The Hunchback of Notre Dame ain't a boxer.
The Monster's Mate: Afraid it'll ruin his looks, eh? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
--Phyllis Diller (as The Monster's Mate) in Mad Monster Party
[about the Hunchback]
The Monster's Mate: Didn't I see him at the Transylvania Gardens in the main event?
Dracula: The Hunchback of Notre Dame ain't a boxer.
The Monster's Mate: Afraid it'll ruin his looks, eh? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
--Phyllis Diller (as The Monster's Mate) in Mad Monster Party
The Monster's Mate:
I don't know how he got his invitation. He has an unlisted tomb. Ha ha ha ha.
--Phyllis Diller (as The Monster's Mate) in Mad Monster Party
--Phyllis Diller (as The Monster's Mate) in Mad Monster Party
The Monster's Mate:
Remember what happened the last time you had a roving eye? I kept it in a jar for a week. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha.
--Phyllis Diller (as The Monster's Mate) in Mad Monster Party
--Phyllis Diller (as The Monster's Mate) in Mad Monster Party
Francesca:
[thinking] I can make the doctor's secrets mine before he bestows them on that Felix Flanken. And I can use Dracula to help me.
The Monster's Mate: Baby, Francesca is up to something with that Dracula. They both bear watching. Besides, it's her own fault for thinking so loud.
--Phyllis Diller (as The Monster's Mate) in Mad Monster Party
The Monster's Mate: Baby, Francesca is up to something with that Dracula. They both bear watching. Besides, it's her own fault for thinking so loud.
--Phyllis Diller (as The Monster's Mate) in Mad Monster Party
Henry Dimsdale:
[to himself] All I have to do now is figure out what I have to do now.
Golda: [butting in] Get out of town.
Henry Dimsdale: Hey, how do you know what happened?
Golda: I've got wall-to-wall ears.
--Phyllis Diller (as Golda) in Eight on the Lam
Golda: [butting in] Get out of town.
Henry Dimsdale: Hey, how do you know what happened?
Golda: I've got wall-to-wall ears.
--Phyllis Diller (as Golda) in Eight on the Lam
Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch:
[thinking Golda has been sneaking around with his boss] How long has this been going on?
Golda: About thirty seconds. I knew you'd find out, sooner or later.
--Phyllis Diller (as Golda) in Eight on the Lam
Golda: About thirty seconds. I knew you'd find out, sooner or later.
--Phyllis Diller (as Golda) in Eight on the Lam
