Col. Jefferson Calhoun:
It's still a grand old place, must be at least a hundred and twenty-five years old.
Harry Hart: Oh come now, Colonel, it couldn't get this old in a hundred and twenty-five years!
--Phil Silvers (as ) in Something for the Boys
Harry Hart: Oh come now, Colonel, it couldn't get this old in a hundred and twenty-five years!
--Phil Silvers (as ) in Something for the Boys
Candy Williams:
There's thirteen people in the audience.
Hap Schneider: This is no time to be superstitious. It's bad luck.
--Phil Silvers (as Hap Schneider) in Lucky Me
Hap Schneider: This is no time to be superstitious. It's bad luck.
--Phil Silvers (as Hap Schneider) in Lucky Me
Bernie Friedman:
[at custody hearing] Well Judge, you can pass the buck up and down and back and forth, but when it gets to Bernie the butcher it don't go not further.
Judge: Is that what they call you? Bernie the butcher? Why?
Bernie Friedman: 37 years in the meat packing business, what're they gonna call me, Bernie the baker?
--Phil Silvers (as Bernie Friedman) in 40 Pounds of Trouble
Judge: Is that what they call you? Bernie the butcher? Why?
Bernie Friedman: 37 years in the meat packing business, what're they gonna call me, Bernie the baker?
--Phil Silvers (as Bernie Friedman) in 40 Pounds of Trouble
Genius:
[From the song "Who's Complaining?" which dealt with food rationing during World War Two] "Because of Axis trickery, my coffee now is chicory, and I can rarely purloin a sirloin... No complaining, through the campaigning. Who cares if the carrots are few? I'll feed myself on artichokes, until that Nazi party chokes, so long as they don't ration, my passion, for you!"
--Phil Silvers (as Genius) in Cover Girl
--Phil Silvers (as Genius) in Cover Girl
Genius:
I don't feel good.
Rusty Parker: Oh, you don't? Where?
Genius: In the hall.
--Phil Silvers (as Genius) in Cover Girl
Rusty Parker: Oh, you don't? Where?
Genius: In the hall.
--Phil Silvers (as Genius) in Cover Girl
Genius:
You know something? I love him too.
Danny McGuire: Yeah?
Genius: You know why?
Danny McGuire: Why?
Genius: Because he's dumber than me.
Danny McGuire: Dumber than I.
Genius: Okay. Then he's dumber than the both of us.
[Danny winces]
--Phil Silvers (as Genius) in Cover Girl
Danny McGuire: Yeah?
Genius: You know why?
Danny McGuire: Why?
Genius: Because he's dumber than me.
Danny McGuire: Dumber than I.
Genius: Okay. Then he's dumber than the both of us.
[Danny winces]
--Phil Silvers (as Genius) in Cover Girl
Genius:
You probably know what you're doin', Mr. Coudair. But that was a pretty swell thing those kids had. Certainly glad I'm not the one that broke it up, I couldn't sleep nights.
--Phil Silvers (as Genius) in Cover Girl
--Phil Silvers (as Genius) in Cover Girl
Hap Schneider:
[after Candy breaks a mirror] Hey, what's the matter with you? That's seven years bad luck.
Candy Williams: Let's make it fourteen.
[smashes another mirror]
Hap Schneider: Wanna try for twenty-one?
[Candy smashes a third mirror]
--Phil Silvers (as Hap Schneider) in Lucky Me
Candy Williams: Let's make it fourteen.
[smashes another mirror]
Hap Schneider: Wanna try for twenty-one?
[Candy smashes a third mirror]
--Phil Silvers (as Hap Schneider) in Lucky Me
Hap Schneider:
"Food By Anton". There's a nice bit. Here we are loaded with talent, and some hash hustler gets his name up in lights.
--Phil Silvers (as Hap Schneider) in Lucky Me
--Phil Silvers (as Hap Schneider) in Lucky Me
