Caractacus Pott: Do you think Coggins might do a deal, so much a week?
Grandpa: Coggins? That lives down the road? Sure. He wouldn't light your pipe if his house was on fire.


--Lionel Jeffries (as Grandpa Potts) in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Captain Rhumstone: [testily] One thing I can't stand is being disturbed when I'm curling my beard!


--Lionel Jeffries (as ) in Murder Ahoy!

Cark: I could tell you where to go and you wouldn't need a map.


--Lionel Jeffries (as ) in The Truth About Spring

Cark: Tyler, I could tell you where to go and you would not need no map to get there.


--Lionel Jeffries (as ) in The Truth About Spring

Grandpa: [reading a book out loud] And the big brown bear came lolloping over the mountain. 'No, no!' the princess cried.


--Lionel Jeffries (as Grandpa Potts) in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Grandpa: Coggins? He's so mean he wouldn't light your pipe if his house was on fire.


--Lionel Jeffries (as Grandpa Potts) in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Grandpa: Nasty smelly things, motorcars!


--Lionel Jeffries (as Grandpa Potts) in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Joseph Cavor: Geese, I adore. Chickens, I detest! I've a good mind to make you fly home! All of you! AAHHH! I HATE CHICKENS!


--Lionel Jeffries (as ) in First Men in the Moon

Joseph Cavor: Gibbs! Gibbs!


--Lionel Jeffries (as ) in First Men in the Moon

The Grand Lunar: You say men cling to different tongues and beliefs. Is there no one ruler?
Joseph Cavor: No. No, every century some despot tries, but up to now no one's succeeded. People like Hannibal, Julius Caesar, Napoleon...
The Grand Lunar: Does this not lead to confusion?
Joseph Cavor: Yes, it does. And worse. Starvation... hostility... even war.
The Grand Lunar: Tell me of war.
Joseph Cavor: Tell you of war? Oh my goodness... Well... it usually starts with a whacking great explosion.


--Lionel Jeffries (as ) in First Men in the Moon