Bill Hilton: Some day the worm will turn.
Elmer Lane: Why should he? He's the same on both sides.


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in Riding on Air

Hilda: Do you know the meaning of Spring?
Hoke Curtis: Yes. It means...
Hilda: ...Yes??
Hoke Curtis: ...that you can take off your winter underwear.


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in The Lottery Bride

Larry Burke: Every time I try to make a date, one of your planets gets a stomach ache. I'm sick of it.
Dustin Willoughby: So are the planets.


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in When's Your Birthday?

Diane Basscombe: [noticing his black eye] Why, what happened to your eye?
Dustin Willoughby: [casually] Oh, forgetfulness.
Diane Basscombe: Forgetfulness?
Dustin Willoughby: I forgot to duck.


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in When's Your Birthday?

Elmer Kane: They can fool some of the people part-time, but the worm will turn.


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in Elmer, the Great

Elmer Kane: Warm up? Hell, I ain't been cool since February!


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in Elmer, the Great

Elmer Lane: [Used several times] Heeeyyyyyyy!


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in Riding on Air

Elmer Lane: A life's a life even if it's only a dog's life.


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in Riding on Air

Flute, the Bellows-Mender: "I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb."
Quince, the Carpenter: Ninny's?
Flute, the Bellows-Mender: Ninny's.
Quince, the Carpenter: Ninny's.
Flute, the Bellows-Mender: Ninny's.
Quince, the Carpenter: "Ninus' tomb", man!
Flute, the Bellows-Mender: [Flute begins to repeat Quince's words and gestures] Ninus' tomb, man!
Quince, the Carpenter: But you must not speak that yet!
Flute, the Bellows-Mender: But you must not speak that yet!
Quince, the Carpenter: Ohhh...
Flute, the Bellows-Mender: Ohhh...
Quince, the Carpenter: That you answer to Pyramus!
Flute, the Bellows-Mender: That you answer to Pyramus!
Quince, the Carpenter: You speak all your part at once, cues and all!
Flute, the Bellows-Mender: You speak all your part at once, cues... I won't play anymore.


--Joe E. Brown (as Flute, the Bellows) in A Midsummer Night's Dream

Mr. Henry Basscombe: Are you going to marry my daughter?
Dustin Willoughby: Why we can't marry while Uranus faces Jupiter>
Mr. Henry Basscombe: [exasperated] Ih, we're gonna start that again? Hunh?
Dustin Willoughby: As a matter of fact, we shouldn't get narried at all.
Mrs. Fanny Basscombe: [clearly upset] Just a minute...!
Diane Basscombe: [shocked] Dustin... !
Dustin Willoughby: [trying to explain] Well, you see, she's earth, and I'm water. You mix the two and you get mud. What could we expect our children to be?


--Joe E. Brown (as ) in When's Your Birthday?