Claude Rains

Claude Rains
(as Dr. Jaquith)

Mrs. Henry Windle Vale: No member of the Vale family has ever had a nervous breakdown.
Dr. Jasquith: Well there's one having one now.

Margaret Dumont

Margaret Dumont
(as Mrs. Upjohn)

Mrs. Upjohn: Hugo, I mean, Dr. Hackenbush, always insisted on treating me in my home. Why I didn't know there was a thing the matter with me until I met him.

Michael Chekhov

Michael Chekhov
(as Dr. Alexander Brulov)

Dr. Alex Brulov: Apparently the mind is never too sick to make jokes about psychoanalysis.

Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)

Oscar Madison: I'm in for a quarter.
Murray: Aren't you going to look at your cards first?
Oscar Madison: What for? I'm gonna bluff anyway. Who gets a Pepsi?
Murray: I get a Pepsi.
Oscar Madison: My friend Murray the policeman gets a warm Pepsi.
Roy: You still didn't fix the refrigerator. It's been two weeks now - no wonder it stinks in here.
Oscar Madison: Temper, temper. If I wanted nagging, I'd go back with my wife. I'm out. Who wants food?
Murray: What do you got?
Oscar Madison: I got, uh, brown sandwiches and, uh, green sandwiches. Which one do you want?
Murray: What's the green?
Oscar Madison: It's either very new cheese or very old meat.
Murray: I'll take the brown.
[Oscar hands Murray a sandwich which Murray starts wolfing down]
Roy: Are you crazy? You're not going to eat that, are you?
Murray: I'm hungry!
Roy: His refrigerator has been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn't even in the bottle!
Oscar Madison: What are you, some kind of health nut? Eat, Murray, eat!

Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)

Murray: A whole bottle of pills! My God, get an ambulance!
Oscar Madison: Wait a minute, will ya? We don't even know what kind!
Murray: What difference does it make? He took a whole bottle!
Oscar Madison: Well, maybe they were vitamins! He could be the healthiest one in the room!


Jack Kruschen

Jack Kruschen
(as Dr. Dreyfuss)

Dr. Dreyfuss: Nice veins.

Gladys Cooper

Gladys Cooper
(as Mrs. Henry Vale)

Mrs. Vale: Charlotte is no more ill than a moulting canary.

Walter Pidgeon

Walter Pidgeon
(as Mr. Gruffydd)

Mr. Gruffydd: You've been lucky, Huw. Lucky to suffer and lucky to spend these weary months in bed. For so God has given you a chance to make the spirit within yourself. And as your father cleans his lamp to have good light, so keep clean your spirit... By prayer, Huw. And by prayer, I don't mean shouting, mumbling, and wallowing like a hog in religious sentiment. Prayer is only another name for good, clean, direct thinking. When you pray, think. Think well what you're saying. Make your thoughts into things that are solid. In that way, your prayer will have strength, and that strength will become a part of you, body, mind, and spirit.

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