Margo Channing: I'll admit I may have seen better days, but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail like a salted peanut.

[a butler passes by]
Miss Claudia Caswell: Oh, waiter!
Addison DeWitt: That is not a waiter, my dear, that is a butler.
Miss Claudia Caswell: Well, I can't yell "Oh butler!" can I? Maybe somebody's name is Butler.
Addison DeWitt: You have a point. An idiotic one, but a point.
Miss Claudia Caswell: I don't want to make trouble. All I want is a drink.
Max Fabian: Leave it to me. I'll get you one.
Miss Claudia Caswell: Thank you, Mr. Fabian.
Addison DeWitt: Well done! I can see your career rise in the east like the sun.

Mr. Melville: I'll buy the drinks when it's over.

Dr. Kenneth: Hindley, why don't you hit yourself over the head with a hammer when you wake up every morning?
Hindley: Why?
Dr. Kenneth: Well, if you do, you'll achieve virtually the same results as you do with a bottle of whiskey, with much less wear and tear on the kidneys.

Hindley: If she's run off with that gypsy scum, let her run. Let her run through storm and Hell. They're birds of a feather and the Devil can take them both. Now, get me a bottle.

Roger Thornhill: No. No, Mother, I have not been drinking. No. No. These two men, they poured a whole bottle of bourbon into me. No, they didn't give me a chaser.

Señor Sánchez: What shall we drink?
Stephanie: Oh, let's have some of that crazy Idaho champagne.

Harvey Greenfield: Drink up. It'll make me look better to you.
Stephanie: There isn't that much wine in the world.
Harvey Greenfield: To our love affair.
[clinking glasses]
Stephanie: God forbid.

Alicia: Do you love me, Commodore?
Commodore: You're a very beautiful woman.
Alicia: I'll have another drink to appreciate that.

Longfellow Deeds: Hand me my pants. I wrote her phone number on a piece of paper.
Walter: You have no pants, sir. You came home last night without them.
Longfellow Deeds: I did what?
Walter: As a matter of fact, you came home without any clothes at all. You were in your shorts. Yes, sir.
Longfellow Deeds: Don't be silly, Walter. I couldn't walk around on the streets without any clothes. I'd be arrested.
Walter: That's what the two policemen said, sir.
Longfellow Deeds: What two policemen?
Walter: The ones who brought you home, sir. They said you and another gentleman kept walking up and down the street shouting "back to nature! Clothes are a blight on civilization! Back to nature!"