Queen Dolores: Put Gabrielovitsch and Sienkovitsch together, and what have you got? Gabrielovitsch and Sienkovitsch.


--Una Merkel (as Queen Dolores) in The Merry Widow

Sally: Hello, Lil. What have you been doing? A little racketeering?


--Una Merkel (as Sally) in Red-Headed Woman

Sally: You got all the furniture you need?
Lillian 'Lil': Well, I still have a few Louis XV tables to get, and a couple of Jacobean bedsteads, and an English highboy...
Sally: A what?
Lillian 'Lil': A highboy.
Sally: Say, I thought you were gonna be on the level, now that you're married!


--Una Merkel (as Sally) in Red-Headed Woman

Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': I'm not saying a word. Not one single word.


--Una Merkel (as Verbena) in The Parent Trap

Dr. Spear: Dr. Perenz charges you according to what you have.
Joan O'Day: Hooray! We'll get him for nothing.
Dr. Spear: [Joan laughs.] All you'd need would be your hospital expenses, say, $500.
Sally Moore: Oh, well I haven't $500.
Joan O'Day: What're you talking about? You have 220, haven't you?
[Joan nods]
Joan O'Day: Well I have 106, and my poor brainless Gus has 80. Why, it's a cinch that in the next ten days we can get the balance. I'll get the money if I hafta... Well, nevermind, I'll get the money!


--Una Merkel (as ) in Have a Heart

King Achmet: Now tell me, if you weren't married... if you weren't my wife, could you fall for Gabrielovitsch?
Queen Dolores: If I weren't married... if I had it to do over again, and had the choice between you and Gabrielovitsch? Frankly, I'd take you.
[King Achmet laughs contentedly]
Queen Dolores: That shows you what I think of Gabrielovitsch.


--Una Merkel (as Queen Dolores) in The Merry Widow

Elizabeth Katherine Anne 'Lisl' Gluck: I know I'm only happy when I'm thinking about Toni.
Fanni Kerner: Honestly, Lisl, I can't see what you see in that piano player.
Elizabeth Katherine Anne 'Lisl' Gluck: Oh, I know you think he's conceited. I like conceited men. I don't like the other kind.
Fanni Kerner: What other kind?


--Una Merkel (as ) in The Night Is Young

Lillian 'Lil': I'm not gonna spend my whole life on the wrong side of the railroad tracks.
Sally: I hope you don't get hit by a train while you're crossing over.


--Una Merkel (as Sally) in Red-Headed Woman

Lillian 'Lil': Sally, I'm the happiest girl in the world. I'm in love and I'm gonna be married.
Sally: You're gonna marry Albert?
Lillian 'Lil': No, Gaerste.
Sally: In love with Gaerste?
Lillian 'Lil': No, Albert. Besides, I always did wanna learn french.
Sally: Oh, why don't you get yourself a laundryman and learn chinese?


--Una Merkel (as Sally) in Red-Headed Woman

Gus Anderson: [Joan, who's a beautician, is giving Gus a manicure] The trouble with you dizzy dames is ya don't know how to make big money.
Joan O'Day: Hold still, willya? I suppose you do. You're nothing but a bundle-wrapper outta work.
Gus Anderson: A shipping clerk in quest of a situation,
[takes his left hand out of the soaking solution, and shakes his wet finger at her]
Gus Anderson: if ya don't mind!
Joan O'Day: Hey, quit that, willya?
Gus Anderson: Besides, it won't be long until I'm one of the biggest racketeers in the country. I'm gonna be a success, I am. Wait and see.
Joan O'Day: I don't expect to live that long.
[holding his hand and making a mock gasp]
Joan O'Day: Mr. Baumgarten, what beautiful moons you have!
Gus Anderson: Aw, now look here smarty, come across willya? All I'm askin' is for five dollars of m'own money. I'll run it up to 200 over the weekend.
Joan O'Day: Hmm, like ya ran up that last five dollars I gave ya down to fourteen cents.
Gus Anderson: [As Joan starts to trim his nails with a scissors] Well, can't a fella get a bad break? Ouch! Go easy!
Joan O'Day: Alright, Clarissa.
Gus Anderson: I shoulda known better than to play cards on a rainy Friday the thirteenth.
Joan O'Day: Ya shoulda known better than to play cards with that mob of thieves ya hang around with. Ya know they cheatcha.
Gus Anderson: Well, maybe they do, a little. But they're such nice guys. Anyhow, I hafta learn the angles, haven't I? Besides, I've got a way of gettin' even with 'em if I just had a five-dollar stake.
[Tickling her under the chin with his wet hand]
Gus Anderson: Aw, ya look so pretty today, ducky-wucky.
Joan O'Day: [Wiping her chin with a towel] You know better than to ducky-wucky me.
Gus Anderson: Alright, alright, Brain Trust, if ya don't believe me, just look at this. Right there.
[He hands her a folded newspaper showing an ad that reads "SURPRISE YOUR FRIENDS! Get a pack of Sure-Fire Playing Cards. You can tell at a glance what cards your opponents hold in their hands!"]
Joan O'Day: [reading aloud from the ad] "IT CAN'T MISS! IT CAN'T FAIL! Send $2.00 today. P. O. Box 432, Wilmington, South Dakota." Well, I must say, that's a nice surprise for your friends. Did you send the two dollars?
Gus Anderson: The cards'll be here any day. Do I get the five?
Joan O'Day: Yo

--Una Merkel (as ) in Have a Heart