Howard Beardsley: Is, uh, is this the Beardsleys' new house?
Nancy Beardsley: We've come to deliver the babies.
Family Doctor: Oh, have a heart! Leave them on somebody else's doorstep.


--Tom Bosley (as Family Doctor) in Yours, Mine and Ours

B.A.H. Humbug: [singing] Christmas trees are brightly lighted/ Around the world, the church bells ring/ Big and small, all are invited/ To the birthday party of the King/ Mighty prince and humble peasant/ Each must choose a gift to bring/ Do you have a birthday present/ For the birthday party of the King?/ Once wise men came in His honor/ Bringing frankincense, myrrh, and gold/ But what is gold to a Ruler/ Who has all the stars to hold?/ Do you know what gift will please Him?/ Praise Him more than anything/ Bring a heart that truly loves Him/ To the birthday party of the King/


--Tom Bosley (as ) in The Stingiest Man In Town

Family Doctor: Call my wife, will you, and tell her I'm on my way home?
[beat]
Family Doctor: And tell her thank you.
Frank Beardsley: For what?
Family Doctor: We don't have any children.


--Tom Bosley (as Family Doctor) in Yours, Mine and Ours