Stan: If you don't be careful, she's going to get the upper hand of you.


--Stan Laurel (as Stan) in Sons of the Desert

Stan: If you want me to go, I'll stay as long as you like.


--Stan Laurel (as Stan) in Block-Heads

Stan: Shakespeare.
Ollie: Longfellow.
Ollie: What goes up the chimney?
Stan: Santa Claus.


--Stan Laurel (as Stan / Alf Laurel) in Our Relations

Stanley: [they are wearing blackface] Oliver, er, Sambo!


--Stan Laurel (as ) in Pardon Us

Stanlio: [after being robbed of all his savings] Oh, well, come easy, go easy - that's my motto.


--Stan Laurel (as ) in The Devil's Brother

Stanlio: I don't want to be walking around with my throat cut.


--Stan Laurel (as ) in The Devil's Brother

Oliver: [at the prison dentist] Who ever heard of a dentist hurting you these days? Why, you won't even feel it.
Stanley: You won't feel it, but how about me? How about those other fellows?
Oliver: Ha ha ha ha, they were only laughing.
[sits down in dentist chair beside Stan]
Oliver: You know, there are times when you try my patience. There's nothing do it. It's all in your mind. Now just sit back and... Relax. Why they could pull every tooth in my head and I wouldn't even feel it.
[the dentist accidentally sets to work on Ollie's teeth; Ollie yelps in pain]
Oliver: Why didn't you tell him?
Stanley: I thought you were laughing.


--Stan Laurel (as ) in Pardon Us

Oliver: [Stan and Ollie are wearing blackface] They'll never recognize us in a 100 years. For once in your life you've hit up on a good idea.
Stanley: A practical idea.
Oliver: What about the tooth? The buzzer.
Stanley: Oh, I fixed that too. I vulcanized it.
Oliver: You what?
Stanley: I vulcanized it. I put some chewing gum in there and it don't buzz any more.
Oliver: You're actually using your brain. That's what comes from associating with me.
Stanley: What do you mean associa-
Oliver: Tut tut tut tut.
Stanley: Tut tut tut tut?


--Stan Laurel (as ) in Pardon Us

Oliver: Come Stanley, let no one say that we were afraid to die.
Stan: I don't care who says it.


--Stan Laurel (as ) in Nothing But Trouble

Oliver: I thought you told me I had her in the palm of my hand.
Stan: Well you did, but you didn't play your cards right.


--Stan Laurel (as ) in Swiss Miss