Nicole Chang: I'm sorry, Émile. It's for the best. I'm sure you can find something honest to do with all that old Mongolian clay.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Nicole Chang) in Gambit

Sharon Kensington: Oh, what a lovely name. I love that name. You know, the first man I ever completely destroyed was named Sam. He's a hairdresser now.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Sharon Kensington) in Career

Tipsy Girl: I'm so drunk, I don't think I could lie down without holding on!


--Shirley MacLaine (as Tipsy Girl) in Ocean's Eleven

Paolo Maltese: [Pointing at the Cathedral of Pisa with pride] Look at it.
Mae Jenkins: What is it?
Paolo Maltese: The Cathedral. That is the most beautiful and the most famous cathedral in the whole world.
Mae Jenkins: Yeah, it's got too many pillars.
Paolo Maltese: Too many pillars...
Mae Jenkins: Yeah.
Paolo Maltese: Listen to me. That is the most beautiful and the most famous cathedral in the whole WORLD.
Mae Jenkins: It's got too many pillars!
Paolo Maltese: It was built in 1050!
Mae Jenkins: Yeah, so in 1050 they put in too many pillars!


--Shirley MacLaine (as Mae Jenkins) in The Yellow Rolls-Royce

[Referring to Harry Worp]
Jennifer Rogers: He looked exactly the same when he was alive, only he was vertical.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Jennifer Rogers) in The Trouble with Harry

Fran Kubelik: He's a taker.
C.C. Baxter: A what?
Fran Kubelik: Some people take, some people get took. And they know they're getting took and there's nothing they can do about it.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Fran Kubelik) in The Apartment

Fran Kubelik: Just because I wear a uniform doesn't make me a girl scout.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Fran Kubelik) in The Apartment

Fran Kubelik: Why do people have to love people anyway?


--Shirley MacLaine (as Fran Kubelik) in The Apartment

Fran Kubelik: Would you mind opening the window?
C.C. Baxter: Now don't go getting any ideas, Miss Kubelik.
Fran Kubelik: I just want some fresh air.
C.C. Baxter: It's only one story down. The best you can do is break a leg.
Fran Kubelik: So they'll shoot me - like a horse.
C.C. Baxter: Please, Miss Kubelik, you got to promise me you won't do anything foolish.
Fran Kubelik: Who'd care?
C.C. Baxter: I would.
Fran Kubelik: Why can't I ever fall in love with someone nice like you?


--Shirley MacLaine (as Fran Kubelik) in The Apartment

C.C. Baxter: The mirror... it's broken.
Fran Kubelik: Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Fran Kubelik) in The Apartment