Ollie:
Listen, I'm in a slight predicament. My wife's coming home at noon today unexpectedly. And just look at this house.
Stan: [sees the mess] What's the matter with it?
Ollie: What's the matter with it? You never met my wife, have you?
Stan: Yes, I never did.
Ollie: What do you mean "Yes I never did"?
[shows him wedding photo]
Ollie: That's my wife.
Stan: Isn't she sweet.
Ollie: Charming.
Stan: Where is your wife?
Ollie: She's in Chicago with her mother.
Stan: Is she having a nice time?
Ollie: Sure she's having a nice time, she's been gone for more than a week, I- I don't care whether she's having a nice time or not! What I mean is that if she comes home and sees the house like this, she'll know that I've been throwing a wild party!
--Oliver Hardy (as ) in Helpmates
Stan: [sees the mess] What's the matter with it?
Ollie: What's the matter with it? You never met my wife, have you?
Stan: Yes, I never did.
Ollie: What do you mean "Yes I never did"?
[shows him wedding photo]
Ollie: That's my wife.
Stan: Isn't she sweet.
Ollie: Charming.
Stan: Where is your wife?
Ollie: She's in Chicago with her mother.
Stan: Is she having a nice time?
Ollie: Sure she's having a nice time, she's been gone for more than a week, I- I don't care whether she's having a nice time or not! What I mean is that if she comes home and sees the house like this, she'll know that I've been throwing a wild party!
--Oliver Hardy (as ) in Helpmates
Ollie:
Oh, Agnes - - meet your new master, Lord Flagpole Crabtree.
Lord Leopold Plumtree: PLUMtree... PLUMtree! Lord Leopold PLUMtree! My cahd.
Ollie: That's RIGHT!
--Oliver Hardy (as Ollie) in Another Fine Mess
Lord Leopold Plumtree: PLUMtree... PLUMtree! Lord Leopold PLUMtree! My cahd.
Ollie: That's RIGHT!
--Oliver Hardy (as Ollie) in Another Fine Mess
Ollie:
Stan took me to see and Punch and Judy show; I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid.
--Oliver Hardy (as Ollie / Bert Hardy) in Our Relations
--Oliver Hardy (as Ollie / Bert Hardy) in Our Relations
Ollie:
We'll all go down to Dixie. Oh, for a slice of possum and yam. Mm!
Stan: Yes sir, and some good old fish and chips. I can smell 'em.
Ollie: [disgusted] Fish and chips!
--Oliver Hardy (as ) in Way Out West
Stan: Yes sir, and some good old fish and chips. I can smell 'em.
Ollie: [disgusted] Fish and chips!
--Oliver Hardy (as ) in Way Out West
Ollie:
Well, here's a another nice mess you've gotten me into.
--Oliver Hardy (as Ollie) in Another Fine Mess
--Oliver Hardy (as Ollie) in Another Fine Mess
Ollie:
Would you mind opening the window?
[watching in disgust as Stan goes and opens the shop window behind him]
Ollie: Not THAT window - THIS window!
[seeing Stan pull out a large sheet of heavy paper and study it carefully]
Ollie: What are you doing?
Stan: Well, I was looking at the blueprint to try to figure out how to open the window.
Ollie: Why, that's a blueprint of the BOULDER DAM!
--Oliver Hardy (as ) in Busy Bodies
[watching in disgust as Stan goes and opens the shop window behind him]
Ollie: Not THAT window - THIS window!
[seeing Stan pull out a large sheet of heavy paper and study it carefully]
Ollie: What are you doing?
Stan: Well, I was looking at the blueprint to try to figure out how to open the window.
Ollie: Why, that's a blueprint of the BOULDER DAM!
--Oliver Hardy (as ) in Busy Bodies
Ollie:
You know, that Laurel is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
Ollie: [as Bert] The other one is, too. Neither one of them can see any further than the end of their nose.
[Ollie and Bert walk off the pier into the bay. Fade out]
--Oliver Hardy (as Ollie / Bert Hardy) in Our Relations
Ollie: [as Bert] The other one is, too. Neither one of them can see any further than the end of their nose.
[Ollie and Bert walk off the pier into the bay. Fade out]
--Oliver Hardy (as Ollie / Bert Hardy) in Our Relations
