Jack:
[to Receptionist] I like girls like you, eyes of blue and five feet two.
--Lou Costello (as Jack / Jack Strong) in Jack and the Beanstalk
--Lou Costello (as Jack / Jack Strong) in Jack and the Beanstalk
Joe Bascom:
Couldn't Jones make it?
Harry Lambert: Oh, sure, but he'd still be a smith.
Joe Bascom: How can a Jones be a Smith?
--Lou Costello (as Joe Bascom / Humphrey Fish) in Mexican Hayride
Harry Lambert: Oh, sure, but he'd still be a smith.
Joe Bascom: How can a Jones be a Smith?
--Lou Costello (as Joe Bascom / Humphrey Fish) in Mexican Hayride
Lou Francis:
If that's not Tommy Nelson it's Frankenstein. FRANKENSTEIN!
--Lou Costello (as Lou Francis) in Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man
--Lou Costello (as Lou Francis) in Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
[Mervin and Chick and performing their radio play for Juliet, Mervin's holding a gun on Chick] Bang! Ow! Bang! Ow! Bang! Ow!
Juliet Collins: Wait a minute, if you're shooting at him
[Chick]
Juliet Collins: , then why are you yelling?
Mervin Q. Milgrim: I'm holding the gun backwards!
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Juliet Collins: Wait a minute, if you're shooting at him
[Chick]
Juliet Collins: , then why are you yelling?
Mervin Q. Milgrim: I'm holding the gun backwards!
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
[nauseous] I gotta go back upstairs and get something...
Chick Larkin: What have you gotta get?
Mervin Q. Milgrim: My stomach...
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Chick Larkin: What have you gotta get?
Mervin Q. Milgrim: My stomach...
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
I've seen better heads on malted milks.
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Oliver Quackenbush:
I really don't like dancing because it's nothing but hugging set to music.
Woman in Trailer: What don't you like about it?
Oliver Quackenbush: The music.
--Lou Costello (as Oliver Quackenbush) in Here Come The Co-Eds
Woman in Trailer: What don't you like about it?
Oliver Quackenbush: The music.
--Lou Costello (as Oliver Quackenbush) in Here Come The Co-Eds
Orville:
What kind of hot rod was that?
--Lou Costello (as Orville) in Abbott and Costello Go to Mars
--Lou Costello (as Orville) in Abbott and Costello Go to Mars
Stanley Livington:
[while in Africa] So if I draw the map I can go home?
Buzz Johnson: What do you want to go home for?
Stanley Livington: I forgot something.
Buzz Johnson: What did you forget?
Stanley Livington: I forgot to stay there.
--Lou Costello (as Stanley Livington) in Africa Screams
Buzz Johnson: What do you want to go home for?
Stanley Livington: I forgot something.
Buzz Johnson: What did you forget?
Stanley Livington: I forgot to stay there.
--Lou Costello (as Stanley Livington) in Africa Screams
