Buzz Johnson:
I can't understand why you have this terrible fear of animals in you. What is it?
Stanley Livington: When I was a little baby I was scared by my piggy bank.
Buzz Johnson: That's nonsense.
[walks away]
Stanley Livington: [Grabs Buzz] You wanna hear something worse?
Buzz Johnson: What?
Stanley Livington: I was 15 years old before I ate my first animal cracker.
--Lou Costello (as Stanley Livington) in Africa Screams
Stanley Livington: When I was a little baby I was scared by my piggy bank.
Buzz Johnson: That's nonsense.
[walks away]
Stanley Livington: [Grabs Buzz] You wanna hear something worse?
Buzz Johnson: What?
Stanley Livington: I was 15 years old before I ate my first animal cracker.
--Lou Costello (as Stanley Livington) in Africa Screams
Buzz Kurtis:
Every time you open your mouth, what happens?
Abercrombie: I eat.
--Lou Costello (as Abercrombie) in Abbott and Costello in Hollywood
Abercrombie: I eat.
--Lou Costello (as Abercrombie) in Abbott and Costello in Hollywood
Buzz Kurtis:
Now, listen. This is even better than you getting socked. You're dead!
Abercrombie: If I'm dead, then... then why am I so hungry?
--Lou Costello (as Abercrombie) in Abbott and Costello in Hollywood
Abercrombie: If I'm dead, then... then why am I so hungry?
--Lou Costello (as Abercrombie) in Abbott and Costello in Hollywood
Buzz Kurtis:
You can't sleep?
Abercrombie: No.
Buzz Kurtis: I've got just the thing for you. Don't go away.
[He leaves the room]
Buzz Kurtis: [returning with a phonograph record] Well, pal, here it is.
Abercrombie: What do you got there?
Buzz Kurtis: [reading the label] 'Go To Sleep with Dr. Caswell Snide.'
Abercrombie: Oh, no! I wanna sleep alone!
--Lou Costello (as Abercrombie) in Abbott and Costello in Hollywood
Abercrombie: No.
Buzz Kurtis: I've got just the thing for you. Don't go away.
[He leaves the room]
Buzz Kurtis: [returning with a phonograph record] Well, pal, here it is.
Abercrombie: What do you got there?
Buzz Kurtis: [reading the label] 'Go To Sleep with Dr. Caswell Snide.'
Abercrombie: Oh, no! I wanna sleep alone!
--Lou Costello (as Abercrombie) in Abbott and Costello in Hollywood
Casey Edwards:
[seeing one of Freddie's booby traps] That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.
Freddie Phillips: Oh yeah? Well let me tell you something, if the murderer comes in here alone, somebody else is gonna carry him out.
--Lou Costello (as Freddie Phillips) in Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff
Freddie Phillips: Oh yeah? Well let me tell you something, if the murderer comes in here alone, somebody else is gonna carry him out.
--Lou Costello (as Freddie Phillips) in Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff
Casey Edwards:
Freddie, where did you that gun?
Freddie Phillips: I don't know.
Casey Edwards: Freddie, for the last time! Where did you get that gun?
Freddie Phillips: I don't know.
Casey Edwards: Where did you get that gun?
Freddie Phillips: Hey, that's not fair. You said "for the last time". I answered it.
--Lou Costello (as Freddie Phillips) in Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff
Freddie Phillips: I don't know.
Casey Edwards: Freddie, for the last time! Where did you get that gun?
Freddie Phillips: I don't know.
Casey Edwards: Where did you get that gun?
Freddie Phillips: Hey, that's not fair. You said "for the last time". I answered it.
--Lou Costello (as Freddie Phillips) in Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff
Chick Larkin:
[talking about Juliet Collins] So she has a couple of buck teeth.
Mervin Q. Milgrim: I don't care how much they cost.
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Mervin Q. Milgrim: I don't care how much they cost.
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Chick Young:
[the phone rings] Answer that phone.
[a lady rings the bell for service]
Chick Young: Answer the bell.
[the phone rings again]
Chick Young: Answer the phone!
Wilbur Grey: Which one do you want me to answer first?
Chick Young: Both of them!
Wilbur Grey: [mocks him] Both of them! Both of them!
--Lou Costello (as Wilbur Grey) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
[a lady rings the bell for service]
Chick Young: Answer the bell.
[the phone rings again]
Chick Young: Answer the phone!
Wilbur Grey: Which one do you want me to answer first?
Chick Young: Both of them!
Wilbur Grey: [mocks him] Both of them! Both of them!
--Lou Costello (as Wilbur Grey) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Chick Young:
Get up on your feet. It's only a dummy
Wilbur: Dummy nothin'. It was smart enough to scare me.
--Lou Costello (as Wilbur Grey) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Wilbur: Dummy nothin'. It was smart enough to scare me.
--Lou Costello (as Wilbur Grey) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Chick Young:
I don't get it. Out of all the guys around here that classy dish has to pick out a guy like you.
Wilbur Grey: What's wrong with that?
Chick Young: Go look at yourself in the mirror sometime.
Wilbur Grey: Why should I hurt my own feelings?
--Lou Costello (as Wilbur Grey) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Wilbur Grey: What's wrong with that?
Chick Young: Go look at yourself in the mirror sometime.
Wilbur Grey: Why should I hurt my own feelings?
--Lou Costello (as Wilbur Grey) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
