Wes McQueen: It reminds me of a little heist we planned in west Kansas about five or six years ago. One fella was smooth and slippery. The other was green and gabby. The third was just plain mean, from the top of his head to his boot heel. The next thing we know, there was a boxcar of soldiers coupled to that train. Too bad we never knew which one sent word to the soldiers. It would have been better for the other two if we had. Their monuments are right outside Boxville, Kansas. The prettiest little Bone Orchard you've ever seen. Little stone angels watching them.


--Joel McCrea (as ) in Colorado Territory

William F. 'Buffalo Bill' Cody: Mr. President. Ladies and Gentlemen. I was afraid I was going to make a fool of myself in front of you tonight. But that would have been all right, because a man can make a fool of himself when he's off his own stamping grounds. But when a man makes a fool of himself on his own stamping grounds, there's no excuse for him. I don't hold with General Sherman that a good Indian is a dead Indian. From what I've seen, the Indian is a free-born American who'll fight for his folks, for his land and for his living... just like any other American.


--Joel McCrea (as William Frederick 'Buffalo Bill' Cody) in Buffalo Bill

William F. 'Buffalo Bill' Cody: When you do an Indian a favor, he never forgets it. But if you do him bad, he never forgets that either.


--Joel McCrea (as William Frederick 'Buffalo Bill' Cody) in Buffalo Bill

Doc: I was thinking of the inconsistency of civilization. The beast of the jungle, killing just for his existence, is called savage. The man, killing just for sport, is called civilized. It's a bit inconsistent, isn't it?
Bob Rainsford: Now just a minute. What makes you think it isn't just as much sport for the animal as it is for the man. Now take that fellow, for instance. There never was a time when he couldn't have gotten away, but he didn't want to. He got interested in hunting me. He didn't hate me for stalking him anymore than I hated him for trying to charge me. As a matter of fact, we admired each other.
Doc: Perhaps, but would you change places with the tiger?
Bob Rainsford: Well, not *now*.


--Joel McCrea (as Bob) in The Most Dangerous Game

[the police are looking for Tommy after he has a fight with Philip Griswald and then injures Philip's father]
Dave Connell: Don't worry, Drina. He knows his way around - he can take care of himself.
Drina Gordon: He can take care of himself too well. How can he have done such a thing? Where does he learn about knives and...
Dave Connell: He had an expert teacher.
[refers to Martin]
Dave Connell: Anyway it's not hard to learn in a place like this.
Drina Gordon: But he's not a bad kid - not really bad. He never has been.
Dave Connell: The famous 'Baby Face' Martin used to live on this block. He wasn't such a bad kid either at first. He was smart and brave and decent... at first.
Drina Gordon: Like Tommy, you mean. Ever since he was a little kid I've tried to teach him what's right. I don't know what else to do - I've tried to bring him up decent.
Dave Connell: Aw, what chance have they got against all this? They gotta fight for a place to play, fight for a little extra somethin' to eat, fight for everything. They get used to fightin'. "Enemies of society" it says in the papers... why not? What've they got to be so friendly about?


--Joel McCrea (as Dave) in Dead End

[Vinson's cavalry patrol hurriedly buries a dead trooper]
Sgt. Vinson: Collins, that deep enough. Roll him in and cover him up. Let's move!
Pvt. Collins: You mean without reading the Good Book?
Sgt. Vinson: If he needs our help to make it upstairs, he's in worse shape than he looks.


--Joel McCrea (as ) in Fort Massacre

Benjamin Dingle: Say, what brought you here, Mr. Carter?
Joe Carter: Railroad.
Benjamin Dingle: No, I mean, what's your job?
Joe Carter: I'm a mechanic. I work in a baby carriage factory.
Benjamin Dingle: Where?
Joe Carter: California.
Benjamin Dingle: San Francisco?
Joe Carter: Burbank.
Benjamin Dingle: Baby carriage factory, eh?
Joe Carter: Yep. Tokyo Baby Carriage Corporation - plain and fancy baby carriages for carrying babies to Tokyo.
Benjamin Dingle: Oh. Maybe you think this is none of my business.
Joe Carter: Maybe I do.
Benjamin Dingle: Probably your name isn't even Bill Carter.
Joe Carter: Probably not. It's probably Joe Carter.


--Joel McCrea (as Joe Carter) in The More the Merrier

Joe Carter: What do you do?
Benjamin Dingle: I'm a well-to-do, retired millionaire. How 'bout you?
Joe Carter: Same.


--Joel McCrea (as Joe Carter) in The More the Merrier

Tom Jeffers: Funny having to sleep with a sitting-room between us.
Gerry Jeffers: And the doors locked.
Tom Jeffers: You don't have to worry about that.


--Joel McCrea (as Tom Jeffers) in The Palm Beach Story

Tom Jeffers: That's my wife, you dumb cluck!


--Joel McCrea (as Tom Jeffers) in The Palm Beach Story