Sam Bissell:
He took a shower?
Minerva Bissell: Well, of course. Didn't you take a shower at Janet's?
Sam Bissell: No, I didn't take a shower at Jan... What do you think I am? Some kind of a sex maniac?
--Jack Lemmon (as Sam Bissell) in Good Neighbor Sam
Minerva Bissell: Well, of course. Didn't you take a shower at Janet's?
Sam Bissell: No, I didn't take a shower at Jan... What do you think I am? Some kind of a sex maniac?
--Jack Lemmon (as Sam Bissell) in Good Neighbor Sam
Stanley Ford:
Gentlemen...
[looks at Harold Lampson, who gives him a wink and a grin; turns back to jury]
Stanley Ford: Gentlemen, I address you not as judge and jury, but as a fellow American male. The crime that you have just seen Harold Lampson commit in his imagination I have been accused of committing in reality. Too long has the American man allowed himself to be bullied, coddled, and mothered, and tyrannized, and in general meant to feel like a feeble-minded idiot by the female of the species. Do you realize the power that you have in your hand here today? If one man - just one man - can stick his wife in the goop from the gloppitta-gloppitta machine, and get away with it! Whoa-ho-ho, boy, we've got it made. We have got it made. All of us.
Charles Firbank: Hear! Hear!
Stanley Ford: Gentlemen, I did it.
[crowd murmurs]
Stanley Ford: I killed her. I murdered my wife.
[judge bangs gavel]
Stanley Ford: Every single charge that the district attorney has leveled against me is true. Indeed, I did slip her a Mickey - brrrup-brrrap!
[smacks rail]
Stanley Ford: I cold-bloodedly then fed her into a tomb of goop from the gloppitta-gloppitta machine! I ask you to acquit me! Acquit me on the grounds of justifiable homicide. And not for my sake... for yours.
--Jack Lemmon (as Stanley Ford) in How to Murder Your Wife
[looks at Harold Lampson, who gives him a wink and a grin; turns back to jury]
Stanley Ford: Gentlemen, I address you not as judge and jury, but as a fellow American male. The crime that you have just seen Harold Lampson commit in his imagination I have been accused of committing in reality. Too long has the American man allowed himself to be bullied, coddled, and mothered, and tyrannized, and in general meant to feel like a feeble-minded idiot by the female of the species. Do you realize the power that you have in your hand here today? If one man - just one man - can stick his wife in the goop from the gloppitta-gloppitta machine, and get away with it! Whoa-ho-ho, boy, we've got it made. We have got it made. All of us.
Charles Firbank: Hear! Hear!
Stanley Ford: Gentlemen, I did it.
[crowd murmurs]
Stanley Ford: I killed her. I murdered my wife.
[judge bangs gavel]
Stanley Ford: Every single charge that the district attorney has leveled against me is true. Indeed, I did slip her a Mickey - brrrup-brrrap!
[smacks rail]
Stanley Ford: I cold-bloodedly then fed her into a tomb of goop from the gloppitta-gloppitta machine! I ask you to acquit me! Acquit me on the grounds of justifiable homicide. And not for my sake... for yours.
--Jack Lemmon (as Stanley Ford) in How to Murder Your Wife
Stanley Ford:
You get-um dressed, me go talk-um Butler.
--Jack Lemmon (as Stanley Ford) in How to Murder Your Wife
--Jack Lemmon (as Stanley Ford) in How to Murder Your Wife
William 'Bill' Gridley:
[looks around at the fog] Are you sure this country isn't on fire somewhere?
--Jack Lemmon (as ) in The Notorious Landlady
--Jack Lemmon (as ) in The Notorious Landlady
William 'Bill' Gridley:
I'm a democrat from New England - I have no prejudices.
--Jack Lemmon (as ) in The Notorious Landlady
--Jack Lemmon (as ) in The Notorious Landlady
Fran Kubelik:
I never catch colds.
C.C. Baxter: Really? I was reading some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division. You know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year?
Fran Kubelik: That makes me feel just terrible.
C.C. Baxter: Why?
Fran Kubelik: Well, to make the figures come out even, if I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year.
C.C. Baxter: [sheepishly] Yeah... it's me.
--Jack Lemmon (as C.C. Baxter) in The Apartment
C.C. Baxter: Really? I was reading some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division. You know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year?
Fran Kubelik: That makes me feel just terrible.
C.C. Baxter: Why?
Fran Kubelik: Well, to make the figures come out even, if I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year.
C.C. Baxter: [sheepishly] Yeah... it's me.
--Jack Lemmon (as C.C. Baxter) in The Apartment
Fran Kubelik:
Shall I light the candles?
C.C. Baxter: It's a must! Gracious living-wise.
--Jack Lemmon (as C.C. Baxter) in The Apartment
C.C. Baxter: It's a must! Gracious living-wise.
--Jack Lemmon (as C.C. Baxter) in The Apartment
Fran Kubelik:
What's a tennis racket doing in the kitchen?
C.C. Baxter: Tennis racket? Oh, I remember, I was cooking myself an Italian dinner.
[Fran looks confused]
C.C. Baxter: I use it to strain the spaghetti.
--Jack Lemmon (as C.C. Baxter) in The Apartment
C.C. Baxter: Tennis racket? Oh, I remember, I was cooking myself an Italian dinner.
[Fran looks confused]
C.C. Baxter: I use it to strain the spaghetti.
--Jack Lemmon (as C.C. Baxter) in The Apartment
