Bike Salesman: [wheeling bicycle onto stage] Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... meet... the future!


--Henry Jones (as Bike Salesman) in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Coroner: He did nothing. The law has little to say on things left undone.


--Henry Jones (as Coroner) in Vertigo

Henry Jackson: I'd like to remind everyone we're here to consign the remains of Millard Frymore.
Fred Johnson: It's gold, Henry.
Henry Jackson: Gold?
Fred Johnson: Down there in the grave.
Henry Jackson: Well, let's get this coffin out of the way and have a look.


--Henry Jones (as Henry Jackson) in Support Your Local Sheriff!

Henry Jackson: We are gathered here today to consign the mortal remains of Millard Frymore... or whatever his name really was. I ain't really got a whole lot to say about Millard because he only rode amongst us two days ago, and was promptly struck down by whatever deadly disease it was struck him down. We can only hope that whatever deadly disease it was, it wasn't particularly contagious. And with that in mind, I suggest we all bow our heads in devout prayer.


--Henry Jones (as Henry Jackson) in Support Your Local Sheriff!

Leroy: [to Rhoda] I thought I'd seen some mean little gals in my time, but you're the meanest. You wanna know how I know how mean you are? 'Cause I'm mean. I'm smart and I'm mean, and you're smart and you're mean. And you never get caught and I never get caught.


--Henry Jones (as Leroy Jessup) in The Bad Seed

Bisbee Marshal: Alex, have you been drinking this morning or not?
Alex Potter, town drunk: Marshal, you know I never touch a drop until the stroke of noon.


--Henry Jones (as Alex Potter, town drunk) in 3:10 to Yuma

Dan Evans: Alex, you been drinkin' this mornin' or not?
Alex Potter, town drunk: Boss, you know I never touch a drop until the stroke of noon!


--Henry Jones (as Alex Potter, town drunk) in 3:10 to Yuma

[How murderers are executed]
Leroy: They got a little blue chair for little boys and a little pink chair for little girls.


--Henry Jones (as Leroy Jessup) in The Bad Seed

[Jason is inquiring about the job of sheriff]
Jason McCullough: Well, gentlemen, I think it's only fair to tell you that I'd only be interested in this job on a temporary basis.
Henry Jackson: Oh?
Jason McCullough: Well, you see, actually I was on my way to Australia when I heard about your gold strike and I decided to, uh, travel through here and see if I couldn't pick myself up a little stake.
Thomas Devery: What do you want to go to Australia for?
Jason McCullough: Well, it's the last of the frontier country. Thought I might like to do a little pioneering.
Fred Johnson: I thought this was frontier country and we was pioneers.
Henry Jackson: So did I.


--Henry Jones (as Henry Jackson) in Support Your Local Sheriff!

[Potter is getting ready to go and join the posse who have gone after the stage robbers]
Alex Potter, town drunk: Ain't cha gonna help catch 'em?
Ben Wade: Ah, wish I could.
Alex Potter, town drunk: What'd they look like?
Ben Wade: Oh, they'll be easy to catch. That's three big men on three white horses.
Alex Potter, town drunk: [as he starts to ride off] Three white fellas... on three big horses, huh?


--Henry Jones (as Alex Potter, town drunk) in 3:10 to Yuma