Tom Jefferson: I've been racking my brains, working day and night, but it's no use! I'm stuck!
Ben Franklin: But Red, I thought it was finished.
Tom Jefferson: It is, it is, Ben, but I don't like the beginning. It just doesn't sound right. Listen to this: The time has come when we the people of these colonies...
Ben Franklin: Yes, yes?
Tom Jefferson: No! No! Not big enough! How about this: Now is the time when we the people...
Ben Franklin: Well, um...
Tom Jefferson: No! No! Not strong enough! Uh... The time is at hand when we the people mu... Oh! You see what I mean, Ben? If I could only find the words...
Amos Mouse: [whispering] Psst! Ben! How about our contract?
Ben Franklin: [whispering] No, Amos. Not now.
Amos Mouse: [whispering] Yes! Now, or I'm leaving!
Ben Franklin: [whispering] Alright, Amos. Alright.
[reads]
Ben Franklin: "When in the course of human events, it becomes necess..."
Tom Jefferson: Ben! That's it! That's it! When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to disolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the seperate and equal station to which the laws of nature...
[fade to the House of Representatives]
Tom Jefferson: ...and, for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.


--Hans Conried (as ) in Ben and Me

Davy Crockett: Well, me and Russel are figuring on heading down Texas way. That ain't no place these days for a riverboat gambler with wobbly legs.
Thimblerig: There are times when cowardice is a virtue, my dear Colonel. It makes choosing a cause so very simple. Now, I know nothing about Texas of which you speak, but I do know of the fury of the outraged minions of the law. And as a consequence, I fear what lies behind me far more than the unknown that lies ahead.


--Hans Conried (as Thimblerig) in Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier

[first lines]
Wally Walrus: I guess you think I'm trying to kill this turkey. Well, I am. And I'll tell you why.


--Hans Conried (as ) in The Beach Nut

[last lines]
Wally Walrus: And that's why I'm gonna get rid of this woodpecker once and for good.


--Hans Conried (as ) in The Beach Nut

[questioning the artist about his abstract painting "Moonlight Over Manhattan"]
Prosecutor: Will you kindly tell us where the moonlight is?
Roco: Well, it's all moonlight.
Prosecutor: Then where's Manhattan?
Roco: Between Brooklyn and Jersey. Everybody knows that.


--Hans Conried (as ) in Crazy House