Dr. Parker: I proclaim with pride, gentlemen, that we possess the most potent of panaceas for a plague-ridden people, and the most musical minstrels that ever mangled a melody.
Shorty: If you didn't have the latter, you wouldn't sell much of the former!
Dr. Parker: I resent that, sir! It's unbecoming a gentleman, a scholar and a good bassoon player.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Tumbling Tumbleweeds

Dr. Parker: Ladies and gentlemen, your reception does not go unrewarded. Doctor Parker's perfection performers invite you to a feast of fun and frolic free, gratis and for nothing. This way, please.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Tumbling Tumbleweeds

Dr. Parker: My friends, Doctor Parker's Painless Panacea is not a cure-all. It will not help bunions, corns and fallen arches. It will not prevent the pants from bagging at the knees. Ah no, my friends, but it will bring to each and every ailing man or woman within the sound of my voice a vigorous, virile health that it brought to this fine specimen who I first knew as an anemic, pale, wasted figure without enough blood to color a freckle.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Tumbling Tumbleweeds

Dr. Parker: You mean you're the son of the local cattle baron and we'd have played this town without telling me?
Gene Autry: Why should I?
Dr. Parker: What a fine partner you're turning out to be. Think of the ballyhoo: "Son of cattle king returns to share his triumphs with friends of his childhood." Why, we'll sell another twenty gallons at least.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Tumbling Tumbleweeds

Gabby Whitaker: Women. There oughta be a law agin' 'em.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Sons of the Pioneers

Gabby Whittaker: Hey, I'm late for the meetin'.
Roy Rogers: What meeting?
Gabby Whittaker: Over at the Hardy ranch. Since old man Hardy died his daughter's been runnin' it. You remember her.
Roy Rogers: Well, sort of.
Gabby Whittaker: Well, she's growed up too.
Sally Whittaker: [whistles] Boy, has she. Ever since she went East to that school she thinks she's a glamor girl.
Gabby Whittaker: Sally! Now that ain't nice.
Sally Whittaker: Well, it burns me up the way that dame makes fools of every old goat in the county.
Gabby Whittaker: Sally! She ain't a dame and I ain't an old goat.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Man from Cheyenne

Gabby Whittaker: Jumpin' jackrabbits. What kind of jigity you call that?
Marjorie Brooks: That's a ballet of wood nymphs.
Gabby Whittaker: They ain't wearin' enough clothes to flag a handcar.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Lights of Old Santa Fe

Gabby Whittaker: Let me tell you something, young fella. Never have nothing to do with no banks. If you got any money to protect, get yourself a good dog... like Whiskers here. It'd be a whole lot safer with him.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Days of Jesse James

Gabby Whittaker: Stand on your feet, you lyin' buzzard! It's agin my principles to shoot a man sittin' down.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as Gabby Whittaker) in South of Santa Fe

Gabby Whittaker: What're you up to, son?
Roy Rogers: I've got a brainstorm, Gabby.
Gabby Whittaker: Oh, I know that. But what're you up to?


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Utah